John Brown is too lazy to write a detailed post on a single topic... Dot-dot-dot ramblings ala King...

In honor of Larry King, still revered as the ultimate "lazy man's columnist", I'm going dot-dot-dot today...

Larry King is 124 years old and has a kid who's 9. That's weird enough. Even stranger? King is a volunteer little league coach for the munchkin. And he's one of those coaches. You know, the grown-ups who completely ruin it for the kids...

Maureen Dowd thinks Hillary is performing a vital function by being an asshole--training Barack Obama to handle future asshole onslaughts. Of course, Dowd dresses it up in opera analogies, but that's the gist of her column. Somehow, it's now okay to be a phony "blue-collar mama" and to be a political Monster if the insanity serves to forge a stronger opponent? Dowd has a problem with means/ends distinctions...

Everyone in the world seems to be experiencing shock and awe at the audacity of Iraq's newborn government. Apparently, its decision to do something on its own not only surprised its keepers (including John McCain), it also didn't work out all that well. Pro-occupation people: If you're gonna run this show, run it. Pro-pullout people: Consider what you'll get if the Iraqi's do "step up". It's gonna be messy either way...

Ted Turner says that we'll all be eating one another for dinner after global warming hoses the planet in 30 or 40 years. Not quite, Ted. Warming will cause a rapid ice age onset and Dennis Quaid will go rescue his kid. It will be creepy and dangerous, but no cannibalism. If the Quaid scenario doesn't kick in, I just pray that I don't get stuck eating the head of Ted Turner. The idea of picking his wiry white mustache hairs from between my teeth is disconcerting...

Linda Lutz-Rolon may be right. She might be wrong. I don't know. I do know that she is a serious ass-kicker. The American Airlines flight attendant received an award for her top-notch service, which included more than giving people 2 oz. of 7-up on top of 6 oz. of ice. Anyway, when she got the award--cameras rolling--she went apeshit on the airlines. This tale is so freaking fresh that I can't even find a good link for it yet. Linda=Guts...

The Kansas City Royals are undefeated. Yeah, they have 160 upcoming opportunities to lose. Nonetheless, having the Royals in 1st place for more than one day is a gift from God. Every season baseball fans invent bullshit scenarios in which their favorite teams win it all. Every season. Those hopes are usually dashed before the All-Star game. If you back the Royals, they're usually vanquished before May Day. Still, the wishful thinking continues year after year. In a culture of cynicism and pessimism, spring baseball is important. It's a reminder that we can be a little hopeful and optimistic. At least for a week or so. Today, Zack Greinke takes the hill against Jeremy Bonderman. The Royals hot opening cools. Then again, maybe not. I'm hopeful. It will be fun to watch the game in Detroit...

Unless Larry King shows up...

Oh, and I'm so sick of this Clinton vs. Richardson thing that I might vomit. Or write a long post about it later. I'll leave it up to you to discern whether there's really much of a difference there.




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Obama, McCain, optimism about politics and 8-track tapes...

I'm sort of optimistic about the direction of American politics. It seems as though the campaign of Barack Obama and, to a lesser extent, that of John McCain, are moving away from the kind of no-bullshit-barred smear-fests I've watched for the past sixteen years. I'm beginning to see a chance for a more civil and reasoned process in the future.

I don't think we're there yet. We have a ways to go. That's obvious when you read the papers, watch the tube, or peruse even my own blog posts (which, I must admit, can be tinged with a little too much vitriol from time to time). We all need to continue to grow and to continue to work toward a process that really engages important considerations without quite as much snark and malice. Almost all of us have plenty of room for improvement.

The nastier era may not come to an end with this Presidential election cycle. Things could get ugly. The candidate I see as the chief representative of a better politics, Barack Obama, may not even get his party's nomination when all is said and done. Even if he does, there's reason to think that McCain and his crew might decide to go ugly in order to seal up a win. I hope those things don't happen, but they could.

Either way, though, I'm hopeful. The Democratic primary process has given me reason to think that we're moving in the right direction. John Edwards' angrier version of traditional anti-corporate populism didn't last and the Clinton campaign continues to demonstrate the eroding effectiveness of slash and burn campaigning.

If Obama doesn't beat Clinton, Hillary will just be the last of a breed. Whatever comes next, whether it be Obama again or someone else we don't even know right now, won't come from that old school. The screaming Carvilles, the plotting Penns, the wily Wolfsons and the repugnant Roves might still find a little face time on TV, but they'll be relics on their way out. I'm hopeful about that, I really am.

If Hillary wins, she'll just be the political equivalent of 8-track tapes. They had their place, they did their thing, now they're gone. The same will be true of serious candidates. The outmoded strategies to which a few still cling today will be the worn 8-tracks you can find on yard sale tables. A funny, laughable, inconceivable technology with which no one is enamored.

Oh, and here's something sort of ironic/funny. I took a moment to find out about the last major release on 8-track tape actually was. You won't believe it. In 1988, Fleetwood Mac's Greatest Hits was offered on 8-track tape cartridges. It's recognized as the last big release of the format.

Track #2: Don't Stop. Bill Clinton's campaign theme song.





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Obama plagiarism allegations... Do we deserve this from Hillary?

When does it end?

Seriously, I want to know. When does it fucking end? My patience is short and my optimism wanes. When are we going to be better?

When does it end?

When do we stop lying about those with whom we compete? When do we take pause consider our means as well as our ends? When do we stop pandering to simplicity and stupidity? When do we decide to treat each other decently and to plan without intellectual dishonesty?

When?

Obviously, today isn't the day. Today, Hillary Clinton pulled the assassin's trigger. Her target? Her opponent's character.

Today, Barack Obama is a plagiarist. Hillary's people said so. Today, he's a fucking scumbag who's been dealing the drug of false hope while Senator Clinton's been worried about the "real problems" facing this country. That's today's headline, as designed by Camp Clinton.

Today, the media dutifully reports the bullshit accusations of a Hillary loyalist. They turned over their gate-keeping responsibilities long ago, opting instead to parrot the press releases and conference call comments of surrogates. They played their everyday game. They did just what the campaign maestros undoubtedly predicted as Wisconsin got colder. The media is amusing us and itself to death by inspiring rhetorical, but all too gladiatorial, bloodlettings.

Today, Hillary's supporters are serving up heaping helpings of "I told you so" pie to anyone who might support Barack Obama's candidacy. They're feigning shock and explaining why a baseless accusation from a campaign tool proves that only Hillary can save the country, using the most superficial of logic and throwing all pretense of intellectual honesty aside. They're doing the wrong thing, some knowingly, others stupidly.

Today, we're indulging our old vices. We're calling names. We're pretending to be infallible. We're conjuring up moral outrage without introspection, examination or evidence that would actually support our accusations. We're triangulating and denigrating. We're fighting and bickering. We're doing our usual thing.

Today, we suck. It's shameful.

We deserve what we get. As a nation, we really do. We like to complain about everything while taking responsibility for nothing. It's time to admit the responsibility. It's time to cop to our offenses and recognize that our multiple punishments stem from our pathetic behavior.

We've worked hard to transform reality into a game. We like to keep the rules simple. It's "gotcha". It's quick strikes. It's immediacy over legitimacy and convenience over honesty. We've reduced the process of self-government to pure entertainment. We aren't citizen-governors. We aren't informed electors. We're TV viewers who get upset when a debate doesn't result in rage, calling it a "Love Fest" and making jokes about singing refrains of Kumbaya. We're consumers, not participants.

I can't wait to see Wolf Blitzer's national delegate chart again. I love the zoom feature. I can't wait to see another focus group twist dials so I know what people like instead of learning what might be true.

We have "political junkies", people who've abandoned skin flicks on Cinemax, preferring to be fucked over and over again by Bill O'Reilly to watching actors copulate.

Political junkies. Think about that. We're not talking about policy junkies. Political junkies. People hooked on watching the process because it gives them a rush. Not a rush of pride or a glorious embrace from freedom. No, we're talking about a love of conflict.

We reduce campaigns to wrestling pay per view events, don't we? In this corner, from Little Rock Arkansas, wearing the yellow and black pantsuit, the Shrew, the Bitch, the Cold calculator, the one who's ready on day one, HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON.... In this corner, training in Chicago but from all over the world, wearing the standard suit and tie, the Orator, the Silver Tongued Devil, the hopemonger who believes he can, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!!!

Is anyone else disgusted? Or are you just thinking about what snacks to eat while you watch the Wisconsin returns tomorrow?

When does it end?

Today is President's Day. How's that for a bit of irony? We're marking the occasion by watching a candidate who would rather sacrifice her own integrity and the integrity of the process pursue the Presidency with a reckless abandon that defies imagination. We're watching desperate quick-score lashouts in the form of degrading allegations. That's where we are today.

Today we deserve Hillary Clinton. We deserve to be far removed from a place called Hope. We deserve what's coming to us. We continue to play the bullshit game and we deserve to take the eventual beating it inevitably produces. We deserve someone who accuses their opponent of plagiarism while defending her own similar acts because she never claimed to be a good speaker. Seriously, this is where we are.

I'm not going to discuss the plagiarism allegation at length today. I don't have the energy. Maybe I'll do it some other time. Today, I'm just going to ask that anyone who might stumble across this entry who actually believes Barack Obama is a plagiarist in any real sense to take some time to actually research the subject. That doesn't mean reading fifty variations of the same half-assed news story. That doesn't mean listening to campaign surrogates snip and yell at each other on a cable news network. It means developing a firm understanding of plagiarism, what it really is and why it really matters. I invite those who are currently believing the Lie of the Day to do better.

They won't. Hell, I wouldn't. I just happen to have some expertise in this topic. Past professional experiences have given me a certain level of expertise. I've (quite literally) written the book on matters of copyright and plagiarism. I know that most people don't understand key concepts and won't be bothered to learn them. They'll base their decisions on theater and gut.

And they'll deserve what they get. We all will, really.

When does it end? How long are we going to play the same twisted game--a game that only benefits singular winners and that actually harms most of its participants? When are we going to try harder and do better?

When will we set aside bullshit point-scoring and misinformed righteous indignation just long enough to really examine an issue? When will we finally get to the point where we can expect the unholy alliance that creates, packages, recites and interprets our news to do better?

When? It sure as fuck isn't today.

I'm disgusted.

Yet I think there is a small chance of something valuable and meaningful coming out of this otherwise squandered day in politics. There's a chance, albeit not a very big one, that the aggrieved party in this silly tale of plagiarism might be able to live up to his bargain and his goals. If he does, tomorrow can be a good day.

I'll be watching Barack Obama carefully. I want to see if he can do better.

If he doesn't, I'll understand. I'll be disappointed, but I'll understand.

Here's a great test of hope for you, Barack. Here's a great opportunity to display your commitment to an alternative to all of this bullshit.

The ball's in your court. You got next. My fingers are crossed.







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