Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts

Thursday, April 10, 2008

On fleeting fame and Royals baseball... John Brown reflects...

Based on my traffic stats today my brush with the non-celebrity un-greatness of Taylor Marsh is no longer burning up the blogosphere.

None of Marsh's photographer's agents have pounced on me for my transgression. None of the gnarled hearts and drooling mouths that populate her fib of a website are trying to defend her resume-inflation techniques. Things are quieting down. It's the joke at which everyone has laughed.

It was fun while it lasted. Now, onto bigger and better things. Unless, of course, the firestorm of controversy about The Silliest Blogger in Town should reignite. That would be fun.

Some of you (okay, most of you), found this blog as a result of Taylor's Tall Tales, so you might be wondering what's going to happen now that she's cackled that her life is an "open book" and is hunkering down, waiting for the storm of honest recognition to pass. Well, John Brown won't let you down!

No, I don't plan on picking on her day after day, becoming single-mindedly obsessed with exposing her resume inflation to everyone in the world. Okay, I might do that. It's not the main plan, though. That being said, everyone who'd like to write about Ms. Marsh is free to use my illustrations to accompany their posts.

I still owe a commenter a post critical of Barack Obama. Apparently, some people are under the mistaken impression that my expressed distaste for Monster and willingness to mock Monster-enabler Marsh is proof positive that I'm in the bag for Barry O. Yeah, he's my preferred choice right now, but he doesn't get a pass. So, I hope to get around to the part where I criticize Obama about something. I'm in the process of choosing the issue for concern.

I've also watched a few westerns that I'll eventually get around to reviewing. If you like that sort of thing, keep your eyes peeled.

Oh, and I also had a few dozen asshats complain that my attacks on Ms. Marsh lacked any substance because I didn't actually confront her on specific statements and issues. Well, my criticism of TM was about her fibby bio. I just assumed everyone recognized that she was a complete hack. I guess not. I'm trying to choose which of her god-awful posts to roast into ash for your viewing pleasure.

I'm getting tired of this "should Bush skip the opening ceremonies in Beijing?" nonsense. I have the right answer on that one, by the way. Stay tuned.

This FLDS thing? Right in my wheelhouse.

As a Royals fan, I'm loving their 6-2 start. I might have something to say about the boys in blue.

I'm hoping Mike Gravel releases a new video because he RAWKS!

I also find that John McCain is regularly willing to open his mouth in order to release excess bullshit. I'll pick through the manure so you don't have to!

I'll take requests, too.

Right now, though, I must make lasagna. I promised my wife. Then, I'm obligated to watch the Royals go for the sweep against the dreaded Yankees. Chris Chambliss, if you're reading this, I still hate you.


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Thursday, April 3, 2008

John Brown is too lazy to write a detailed post on a single topic... Dot-dot-dot ramblings ala King...

In honor of Larry King, still revered as the ultimate "lazy man's columnist", I'm going dot-dot-dot today...

Larry King is 124 years old and has a kid who's 9. That's weird enough. Even stranger? King is a volunteer little league coach for the munchkin. And he's one of those coaches. You know, the grown-ups who completely ruin it for the kids...

Maureen Dowd thinks Hillary is performing a vital function by being an asshole--training Barack Obama to handle future asshole onslaughts. Of course, Dowd dresses it up in opera analogies, but that's the gist of her column. Somehow, it's now okay to be a phony "blue-collar mama" and to be a political Monster if the insanity serves to forge a stronger opponent? Dowd has a problem with means/ends distinctions...

Everyone in the world seems to be experiencing shock and awe at the audacity of Iraq's newborn government. Apparently, its decision to do something on its own not only surprised its keepers (including John McCain), it also didn't work out all that well. Pro-occupation people: If you're gonna run this show, run it. Pro-pullout people: Consider what you'll get if the Iraqi's do "step up". It's gonna be messy either way...

Ted Turner says that we'll all be eating one another for dinner after global warming hoses the planet in 30 or 40 years. Not quite, Ted. Warming will cause a rapid ice age onset and Dennis Quaid will go rescue his kid. It will be creepy and dangerous, but no cannibalism. If the Quaid scenario doesn't kick in, I just pray that I don't get stuck eating the head of Ted Turner. The idea of picking his wiry white mustache hairs from between my teeth is disconcerting...

Linda Lutz-Rolon may be right. She might be wrong. I don't know. I do know that she is a serious ass-kicker. The American Airlines flight attendant received an award for her top-notch service, which included more than giving people 2 oz. of 7-up on top of 6 oz. of ice. Anyway, when she got the award--cameras rolling--she went apeshit on the airlines. This tale is so freaking fresh that I can't even find a good link for it yet. Linda=Guts...

The Kansas City Royals are undefeated. Yeah, they have 160 upcoming opportunities to lose. Nonetheless, having the Royals in 1st place for more than one day is a gift from God. Every season baseball fans invent bullshit scenarios in which their favorite teams win it all. Every season. Those hopes are usually dashed before the All-Star game. If you back the Royals, they're usually vanquished before May Day. Still, the wishful thinking continues year after year. In a culture of cynicism and pessimism, spring baseball is important. It's a reminder that we can be a little hopeful and optimistic. At least for a week or so. Today, Zack Greinke takes the hill against Jeremy Bonderman. The Royals hot opening cools. Then again, maybe not. I'm hopeful. It will be fun to watch the game in Detroit...

Unless Larry King shows up...

Oh, and I'm so sick of this Clinton vs. Richardson thing that I might vomit. Or write a long post about it later. I'll leave it up to you to discern whether there's really much of a difference there.

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Monday, February 11, 2008

Mike Sweeney leaving KC for Oakland... No thanks for the memories... Sort of...

After spending the better part of two centuries as a member of the Kansas City Royals, my local MLB franchise and regular source of warm weather heartburn, former All-Star Mike Sweeney is hooking up with a new ball club.

The once-feared hitter (now better known as an income source for medical professionals specializing in back injuries) has signed a minor league deal with the Oakland A's. The Royals apparently had less-than-zero interest in bringing back the dude who wore the captain's "C" on his jersey for several seasons.

I'm a baseball fan and I'm a Royals fan. My continued support of the franchise probably has more to do with a childhood in western Kansas and the voice of Denny Matthews than it does with on-field performance. It certainly wasn't linked to Mike Sweeney.

Sweeney was, for awhile, damn good. He was one of the game's top right-handed hitters. There were many days when you knew the only way the Royals stood a chance was if Sweeney pulled a "do it yourselfer" win. After the departure of up-and-comers like Jermaine Dye and Johnny Damon and before the arrival of a fully-prepared Carlos Beltran, Mike Sweeney was a man among boys in the Royals lineup.

He's also, according to all reports, a nice guy. A really nice guy. He's one of those smiling, gracious, aw-shucks Christian athletes who give "glory to God" during post-game interviews and who never say a mean thing about anyone.

Nonetheless, I never liked Mike Sweeney here in KC. Oh, I respected him. And I appreciated his bat. I just didn't like him all that much. I felt that way before The Massive Contract and the feeling intensified as his injured years piled up.

I grew up with the old Royals. The good Royals. I grew up knowing that George Brett and Jamie Quirk were out terrorizing bimbos and guzzling pitchers on the Plaza after double-headers. I grew up knowing that big John Mayberry's off-field antics might have cost the Royals a World Series bid in what was probably their strongest season.

Hal McRae barrelled into second base to break up double plays with cleats of anger. The pitchers were mean like Dennis Leonard, smart like Larry Gura and crazy like Al Hrabosky. Even mild-mannered Dan Quisenberry (the Mad Hungarian's successor) was something of an oddball. UL Washington was dumb enough to patrol the infield with a toothpick in his mouth and there the Horrible Year of Cocaine, in which we learned a significant percentage of the roster didn't care to say "no".

The Royals weren't the baseball equivalent of the Raiders. Frank White has little in common with Jack Tatum. Guys like Frank White, Fred Patek, Cookie Rojas, Paul Splittorff, and John Wathan always seemed like classy, take care of business, solid professionals. I suppose that if you erased the coke controversy and some other rumors not worth repeating, the Royals probably qualified as damn-near squeaky clean.

However, they had a certain edge about them. They had a personality that was reflected in their play. It was tenacious and aggressive. It was a triple ricocheting in the right field corner of a double skipping across the concretized artificial turf. It was Willie Wilson, the fastest man in the world, stealing bases after beating out infield singles and a kid with a "I swear I'm 18" mustache winning games, awards and championships. Royals baseball was gritty and fast. It was the White Rat running them hard and Charlie Lau getting them to hit down on the ball.

Things change.

The Royals changed. George Brett got a haircut and settled into the backside of his career, still raking while be transitioned from the hot corner to 1B/DH duties. Sometimes I think I fell asleep with a thin, sick Dick Howser talking to George in spring training about the coming season and woke up with Tony Muser yelling at Neifi Perez. Ewing Kauffman is a statue now and Clint Hurdle's World Series came 30 years too late as a Rockies manager.

It's been an ugly stretch, brought to you by Wal-Mart, a changing baseball economy and poor decision making at multiple levels.

I know Mike Sweeney wasn't responsible for the slide of the Royals from dreaded to dreadful, but he remains, in my mind, a symbol of those many sick years of shrinking attendance and dwindling win totals.

It probably would've been even worse, if that's possible, without Mike Sweeney. He turned some bad days into good ones. He gave opposing hurlers something to consider and fans something to watch.

Alas, he was the centerpiece of a table stocked with disappointment and inedible trash. No matter how good he played, he was there for the ugly and, in my mind, it rubbed off on him. I don't connect Sweeney with Brett and McRae. Mike doesn't share a vibe with Willie Wilson. Sweeney is Joe Vitiello, Dos Carlos, Brent Mayne, Chad Durbin, and Fat 'Elvys getting shelled. Mike Sweeney is more Darrell May than Darrell Porter.

It's unfair when you look at what Sweeney accomplished, but he became a symbol of a baseball factory that churned out an endless stream of defective products. The Royals were bad, but they weren't bad in that "loveable loser" kind of way. Ernie Banks' failure to play for a championship makes us love him even more. Mike Sweeney's experience, however, doesn't fill us me with any sweet melancholy. It just pisses me off.

The Sweeney story's conclusion was ugly insult. He was the "good guy" and the one Royal who didn't ditch the ballclub for the greener pastures of free agency. He was willing to tough it out and to help bring a winner back to KC. The notorious tight front office pried open the team wallet and gave Mike a generous contract to reward both his quality performance and his rare loyalty.

That's when the injuries started coming fast and furious. He missed game after game, week after week. He could hit when he was healthy, but those moments of wellness seemed few and far between. If this was just another injured ballplayer, it might not have stung. But this was Sweeney, the multi-million dollar man. We were finally playing big league money to a big league superstar and all we got in return was another player on the disabled list.

The Royals made Sophie's choice when they kept Sweeney. They didn't feel they had the money to ink both Mike and an improving young outfielder named Carlos Beltran. Eventually, Beltran drifted away to Houston and then to New York. He's been a game-changer and an All-Star. Mike Sweeney congratulated teammates, win or lose, while he sat on the bench nursing his bad back. Unfair.

The injuries turned Royals fans against Sweeney. They couldn't believe all of that money was being funneled into the pockets of a 1B/DH who couldn't play for more than a week at a time. They saw the drop off in production from Sweeney while Beltran's star ascended with better teams. Sweeney was a bottomless money pit. A poor investment. Another proof that the Royals just couldn't get it right.

Sweeney had been a bright spot in an otherwise dim sky. He became a black hole in the eyes of many.

It isn't fair or honest to hate Sweeney for his deal or his play after the injuries started. There's no reason to believe he didn't want to play and every reason to think he wanted nothing more than to take the field 162 times every season. Mike Sweeney never looked like a slacker to me. Unfair or not, though, the disappointment and frustration soon gave way to a great deal of animosity.

I never begrudged the injuries. I never questioned the paycheck. Sweeney, when healthy, was worth the money. He just couldn't get healthy and that's the way it goes. Those of us who watched the Royals in their heyday remember Steve Busby. Busby may have become a true superstar if he arm hadn't exploded into a billion little pieces. Unfortunately, it did. We don't hate Buzz for it. We feel for him.

We should probably feel for Sweeney, too.

I however, can't bring myself to pity the man. It's not because of anything he did. It's not because of anything he failed to do, either. It's just because he was there.

That's unfair, but it's how I feel.

Mike Sweeney was there. He was in the middle of it all. He was the "good guy" on a bad team. He may become a saint for whatever Christian church he attends. His stats may long pepper the list of great Royals achievements. He may be the last loyal Royal we see. There's a lot of good stuff to say about Mike Sweeney and there are many great fans out there saying it right now as he packs his bags en route to a shot at making the Oakland A's.

Me? I'm glad to see him get the fuck out of town. Newness for the sake of newness might not be a great strategy for success in all cases, but right now it seems like a good idea to purge reminders of ugly seasons. There's undeniable catharsis in eliminating ties with those sad years.

Adios, Mike. Don't let the clubhouse door hit you on your screwed up back on your way out.

(And good luck. Make the A's, hit a ton, and it won't break my heart if your success results in Emil Brown losing a roster spot.)



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Sunday, February 3, 2008

Three cool things...

Sunday... Many blogging options...

First, I thought about getting even more indignant about Jake Tapper's stupidity and those who blindly relied upon his statements as material for their very own "reports". Decided against that. Too frustrating.

Second, I considered a post entitled "Stupid, Meet Stupid" that was going to completely unpack and properly explain the multiple layers of stupidity (thus the title) that have been heaped upon the city of Berkeley's decision to label the USMC "unwelcome intruders". Stopped myself on that one, too. Too much work (so much mendacity to explode) for a Sunday.

Third, I thought about adding my thunderous voice to the discussion of the unauthorized Obama campaign video cooked up by Will.I.Am (does he capitalize?), with lyrics by Barack. Close, but no cigar. I'm not part of the "love it" crowd, nor am I a hater. My angle is different and would require some actual thought, which seems disproportionate to the probable significance of the statement. Ouch. I can't think like that. Otherwise, I'll have to shut this baby down.

Instead, I've decided to mention THREE COOL THINGS.

ONE. If you want to make a 25% (approx.) return on your investment within 24 hours, take the Patriots on the money line. The number is around -400 right now (I do think you could shop down to -380 or better) and New England is a near-lock to win. I know, playing with the points is tempting, but I think the straight win bet is better this time around. So sayeth John Brown.

In over your head? Call some gambling hotline. The safest bet is not to play. Is that enough of a disclaimer to prevent some dumb-ass from suing me if Eli pulls an upset?

EDIT: Yeah, I screwed up on that one. Only two of the three cool things in this post are actually cool. Unfortunately, the un-cool thing was the only one to cost me money.


TWO. Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls. My kid is too little for this sort of thing. When she's old enough, it would be great if she had an interest. This is what summer camps should look like. Awesome stuff.

THREE. Cardboard Gods. If you don't get it, you don't get it. If you do, you'll fall in love. Baseball cards, introspection and reminiscence combine to create a well-written, thought-provoking and all-around awesome online diversion. There are jokes, pure baseball entries, autobiographical multi-part tales and non-autobiographical stories utilizing the baseball cards of the 70s and 80s as launching pads. Whether you're worried about a case of Urrea or contemplating war, Cardboard Gods rocks.

Read five or six player entries and then try to stop. Lay's potato chips have nothing on this one.

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