It's easy to blame losers instead of crediting winners. You see it all the time. Kansas didn't win the basketball national championship, Memphis screwed up and lost it. The Giants only won the Super Bowl because the Patriots stunk. It's always the loser's mistakes and never the victor's skills, it seems.
This line of thinking is common in politics, too. Why can't Barack close the deal? What did Hillary do wrong in Iowa? Etc. When it comes to Monday morning quarterbacking and political punditry, it's all about the loser's shortcomings these days. People like to analyze why one person lost instead of focusing on why the other won.
I think that's crap. I believe in giving credit where credit is due. That puts me in a difficult position this morning. If you've ever read a post here before, you know that I think Barack Obama is our best remaining choice for President and that I believe Hillary Clinton causes cancer of the political soul.
Nonetheless, I'm not going to spend this morning blaming Obama's failures for Pennsylvania. Nor am I going to take the easiest out possible--arguing (perhaps accurately) that Hillary's support came, in large measure, from a bunch of idiots. Nope. I'm going to simply congratulate Hillary on winning.
Hey, Monster...
Congratulations.
Clinton won Pennsylvania by 1o points and now Monster can continue its march of shame right into Indiana and beyond. Hell, for all I know Hillary will be able to spread the disease so successfully that she'll end up as our next President. That's still VERY unlikely, but anything can happen.
She did a smash-up job winning Pennsylvania. She withstood a massive spending imbalance. She quickly and forcefully jumped on top of every little Obama act that could be twisted into a negative. She got her picture taken while guzzling brews, talked about her family's involvement with the gun culture and painted her opponent as a snobby elitist in an area where snobby elitists aren't all that popular. She did the better job in the debate of appearing Presidential to the remaining undecided voters and soft Obama supporters. She made all the requisite TV appearances and even snuck in a day-before interview with KO at MSNBC, proving that she didn't mind walking into the lion's den in exchange for face time.
Good work, Monster. You won. You worked your positives, amplified your opponent's real negatives, created some new temporary negatives for him, created more memorable TV ads and convinced Pennsylvanians that you're the "tough" one.
Obviously, Barack Obama didn't do everything right. That's a whole different story for a different day. The fact of the matter is that Clinton did better. The proof is in the pudding. Scoreboard. 10 point lead.
If we wanted to select Presidents based on their ability to run tenacious long-shot campaigns... If we wanted to choose leaders based on their ability to execute old school politics like true professionals... If we wanted to honor those who are really good at playing the game... Well, it that's what we wanted I think Hillary Clinton has made a very strong case for herself since Super Tuesday.
Personally, I have higher aspirations. That's why I won't pull a lever labeled Monster. Obviously, others don't feel that way. I truly believe I'm right and they're wrong, but what the hell... Today, let the fans of Hillary rejoice.
Barack Obama went to a diner. He kissed babies, shook hands and ordered breakfast. He started eating. A reporter asked him a question. He said "Why can't I just eat my waffle?"
This is not news. It is not interesting. It is a politician eating breakfast. One can't peer deep into his soul based on his response. One can't reasonably extrapolate anything about his overall willingness to engage the press based on his desire to eat his fucking waffle at that given moment. One can't maintain, with a straight face, that the question was so challenging that Obama had no choice but to hide behind his waffle.
It is not evidence of a trend. It is not proof of a character flaw. Not all breakfasts are moments of great significance.
The dude was eating and didn't really want to answer a question. The end.
You would think that in a relatively educated and literate nation such as our own, that a guy eating a waffle on a campaign stop wouldn't engender a great deal of interest.
You would think that we'd be smart enough to realize that any one of a million different things is probably more important than a dude eating a motherfucking waffle.
We are not.
We, or at least some of us, really do appear to be that stupid. Folks are analyzing Barack Obama's waffle incident. They are talking about the ramifications of Wafflegate. Some are interpreting it as evidence of bigger things. They are casting it as a piece in a puzzle they've already solved.
Rooty tooty, fresh and fruity. Barack Obama's desire to eat a little waffle is news.
One of the most common strategies for issue-fying the waffle is to point out that Obama is ducking questions not only at breakfast, but all the time. After all, he hasn't made himself available to press for 10 whole days. Wafflegate is proof that he's hiding, people argue.
Of course, he's also spent the last 10 days working his ass of all over Pennsylvania, which cuts into available chit-chat time.
Oh, and there's also the oft-forgotten fact that he HAS made himself available to the media. In fact, he's given DOZENS of interviews in the past ten days. He's been sitting down with local PA papers and media outlets instead of jabbering with the national press. Why? My guess is that the Obama campaign thinks they'll get better Pennsylvania mileage out of Pennsylvania media than by screwing around with the nationals. They might be wrong about that, but it's a mighty stretch to claim he's completely inaccessible.
Let's look at this way. Angelina Jolie's breasts are inaccessible to me. So are her buttocks. She won't give me access. If I ran into her at IHOP and asked her to allow me to caress her breasts and buttocks, she might politely rebuke me, asking why she can't just eat her waffle. On the other hand, if I were Brad Pitt and the two of us were home alone, I'd stand a good chance of spending the night going to town on Angelina. My point: access is all about who you are and where you are.
Anyone who is currently pretending the waffle incident matters should immediately screw his or her fucking head on straight, apologize to every single person they've insulted by pretending this story is meaningful and then place their hand in a hot waffle iron for 30 seconds.
That includes, but is not limited to, the following:
Jeralyn at TalkLeft calls it a "waffle controversy" and claims that the breakfast tale is a big deal because Obama doesn't give reporters a lot of access. That might be because they're a bunch of assholes who won't let a guy eat a waffle, huh?
Delilah Boyd wonders what kind of candidate would "pitch a hissy fit" over a question right before a primary? I wonder what kind of blogger would pitch a hissy fit over the guy wanting to eat his waffle and who'd give him a "waffler of the year award".
Don Singleton hints that Obama might have wanted to eat his breakfast because the question was just too tough. Maybe it wasn't hunger, but an inability to answer. Considering the question was about Jimmy Carter's sit-down with Hamas and the fact that Obama has remarked on the matter and is fully aware of it, that seems unlikely. Nice try, Don. Go eat your waffle.
Liberal Rapture calls Obama a man-child and argues that one must make a choice between waffles and running for office. Here's an idea... Maybe a guy could eat a waffle, wipe the syrup from the corner of his mouth and then go back to campaigning. Just an idea, "numb nuts".
The Confluence asks, "Did the “bitter” gun-toting Archie Bunkers hear him whining like that?" No, they didn't. They were too busy eating their waffles, a courtesy usually extended to all at a diner.
Bad idea: Running around attacking your opponent for a whiny attitude and elitism right before you get busted making excuses for losses and claiming that a core part of your party's support comes from crazed activists who don't represent your old-school approach.
Worse idea: Coming right out and saying that a huge bloc of your party consists of crazy thugs who overrun caucuses and intimidate people.
Even worse idea: Fibbing about that bloc's positions on major issues and contradicting your earlier statements to said organization when it happens to have a rocket-fast response rate and the ability to contact membership via emails, etc. within seconds. The part about betraying your own "back in the day" stuff isn't too bright, either.
Worst idea: When that organization you're bitching about started as a means of saving your husband's political viability (and, thus, by extension your own).
Hillary, you can't beat the crap out of MoveOn.org because you're losing. It isn't going to play worth a shit and it makes you look like a hopelessly outmoded old-timer who longs for the days when the fat cigar chompers made the call (curiously, they wouldn't have had room for you at the bargaining table in those smoky rooms, woman).
Please note: I'm not a MoveOn.org kind of guy, personally. Sometimes, I think they are right on... Other times, they're way too silly. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here fighting Monster, not hacking for MO.
What in the world you thinking of, Laughing in the face of love, What on earth you tryin' to do, It's up to you, yeah you.
Instant Karma's gonna get you, Gonna look you right in the face, Better get yourself together darlin', Join the human race.
This is what flipping someone off looks like, just in case you still don't get it.
This is NOT someone flipping the bird.
No, no, no. I don't care if you're so batshit crazyblind that you still think that was Barack Obama flipping Hillary Clinton off, it didn't really happen. Look again. Not a flip off.
Two fingers. Unless you're doing a two-hander, the flip off has one finger extended.
Having an itch is not the same as calling out Monster for being a bitch. Yes, that rhymes. Again, just in case you're half as delusional as the Taylor Marsh fan club who has been pissing their Depends over this, it is not the bird. Let's compare to a real flip off one more time so you can see the difference.
Here are a list of people who are so far gone that they still don't get it. These are the freaky goofs who think Barack Obama flipped off Hillary Clinton. Sweet Baby Jesus flipping off the wise man who brought him myrrh, these people are beyond help. Know the stupid so that you don't accidentally take them seriously at some point in the future.
Garlin Guage wonders if Obama "overplayed his hand". I wonder if Garlin knows he's a dipshit?
The Tribunal Blog says it was "intentional" and draws a parallel with Obama's perspective on small town hicks. I say The Tribunal Blog is not rad, hip, cool or awsome [sic].
Strategic Geography thinks Barry was giving the bird because "it is such an amorphous, non-committal, unmanly flip off, just like everything else in his campaign". StratGeo not only opines about that which is manly, he also writes a lot about Andrew Sullivan. Just sayin'...
Radical Left is disturbed by Obama's fingers(s), citing it as "another example of his demeaning attitude toward Clinton and women in general". Me? I'm disturbed at the idea that blind Max Blunt might have a driver's license.
NoQuarter jumped to attack Obama, saying that flip off "is undeniable — I have asked several people to confirm — that he indeed did give Hillary the finger, and it’s clear from the audience reaction that he did so." That's what happens when you seek confirmation from the mentally ill, though.
Theodore's World studied Obama's hand movements and concluded that "he uses his index finger constantly not his middle finger , so this made it even more obvious when he did this". Bonus points for Teddy Whiz Kid, who also busted out the tried and true "B. Hussein Obama" in his asshattish little blogospheric contribution.
There are many others, but I want to mention just one more... The inimitable Ms. Taylor Marsh. She says it was "unmistakable". Unmistakable. God have mercy on her fucked up soul.
Only Hillary Monster Clinton could combine perverse creativity with an absolute lack of decency to turn the politics of fear inward onto itself. Hillary isn't warning of an outside evil--she's on the klaxon warning us that John McCain will feast on the naive, innocent flesh of Barack Obama if given the chance.
It's a bizarre proof that even relatively bright people can't figure out very simple things.
Godzilla vs. Monster Zero Alien vs. Predator Dracula vs. Frankenstein Freddy vs. Jason
Clinton vs. McCain?
Hillary Clinton is a fucking monster and her latest attempt to gather the support amongst rank and file voters and slow-to-announce superdelegates is to warn them that John McCain is a monster, too. Who better to fight an evil monster hellbent on the acquisition of power than another hell-spawned creature with zero conscience, right?
Is this really where we are after 15 months of campaigning? Sweet Baby Jesus playing air guitar while listening to Canned Heat on vinyl, people are sick.
It was bad enough when the media decided that actually talking about boring stuff like real policy and the direction of the country had to take a backseat to handicapping elections as if they were the 6th race at Evangeline Downs. Now, the politicians themselves are pitching themselves based on their own self-serving prognostication "skills".
If you needed one more reason to think Hillary Clinton is the embodiment of every fucked up aspect of American politics, last night's bizarre performance on ABC should've done the trick.
Monster say Barack okay. Monster say Hillary better. Me better because McCain Monster strong. Must be strong to fight McCain Monster. Barack no monster. Me mightiest monster. Hillary survive many monster battles. Monster is fighter. Monster eat brains.
Three words: Fuck you, Monster.
Clinton's big sales pitch is that she's been thoroughly "vetted" because Republicans and sane Democrats have hated her for decades. Thus, she has built up some kind of resistance to their mean-spirited attacks. She can handle those nasty RNC bastards. They've kicked her around for years and she's still standing. Obama, she warns, is a bit of an unknown. Sure, he's okay with us, but what's going to happen when the rabid devil dogs of the Republican hate machine start trying to chew off the very kneecaps she's been trying to shatter, huh?
If you fear Republicans, vote Hillary.
The politics of fear used to be about mobilizing voters around external threats. If you don't vote for me, the evil Ninjas are going to sneak into your closets and execute your children. If you don't vote for me, black guys are going to steal your kids at 3:00 a.m. while on a work furlough from the prison. Vote for me or something really fucking scary will make you die. It's a simple and time-tested bullshit equation.
Only Hillary Monster Clinton could combine perverse creativity with an absolute lack of decency to turn the politics of fear inward onto itself. Hillary isn't warning of an outside evil--she's on the klaxon warning us that John McCain will feast on the naive, innocent flesh of Barack Obama if given the chance.
It's a bizarre proof that even relatively bright people can't figure out very simple things. Clinton has been getting her pants suited ass handed to her on a regular basis from sea to shining sea because she's been unable to clue into the fact that a pretty fat portion of the electorate is sick and tired of attack politics, lying for power and general sleaziness. Now that her shot-snorting back is against the wall you'd think that she'd come to her senses and make an effort to show the world that maybe, just maybe, she isn't a monstrous bitch who's way to easy to hate.
No dice. She's doing the exact opposite. She's doing more of what put her in trouble in the first place. It's the most counter-intuitive thing I can imagine. If you're losing to hope and an idea that our politics can change it just doesn't make much sense to argue vociferously that the general election will inevitably be a hopeless and senseless bloodbath or that the only way for D-people to secure the highest office is by turning the old school politics up a notch.
Hillary is now selling the idea of a Monster when the voters have clearly expressed a preference for a Van Helsing.
The only possible way to sell that particularly malignancy--that you're worth a vote because you're the right Monster for the job--is to make people pee their pants at the prospect of facing a Republican Monster later. It's sick and wrong.
It's sick because it really is the same old shitty song at a higher volume. It's another chorus of politics as bloodsport. Another invitation to pick a candidate because their better at playing a noxious game.
It's dressed up in "fighter" lingo. That's just what we need, isn't it? We have a country with a government that seems to have about a 2% success rate on anything it tries to accomplish and the best way to fix the mess is to declare a neverending war on those who don't share your sentiments? Fuck persuading the other guy. Just needle him to death with bullshit, disable him and force something through with no regard for decency, honesty or honor. Awesome plan. It's really been working lately, huh?
Oh, and it's wrong because Barry O. has done a pretty damn good job of proving that you don't necessarily have to be a complete slimeball to engender support, increase interest and snare votes a-plenty. If the Monster Plan worked, Hillary wouldn't be on the losing end of this nomination process, would she?
I was watching John McCain at an AP function the other day. He was talking about his willingness to sit down with the Democratic candidate to try to come up with a way to decrease the influence of the 527s. McCain was one of the only Republicans who didn't sport wood after watching the Swiftboat freaks turn John Kerry into Ho Chi Minh's illegitimate lovechild. McCain promises a sincere and decent general election.
He won't be able to deliver with perfection. Not even close. Surrogates will go nuts. Hardliners will freak out. The media, unable to resist the opportunity to sink their vampiric fangs into the meat of make-believe scandal, will make things uglier than they need to be.
That being said, I don't think we're going to see the Rovian attack mutts this time around. That isn't McCain's game. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he's Mr. Awesome. I do, however, think he's a character cut or three above Geo. W. Bush.
And now that he's on record about not being a Monster, it'll be tough for him to get too nasty if he changes his mind. That's another reason why Hillary's scary campfire story is so lame. If there's ever been a time where the Democrats don't necessarily need an evil genius to duke it out in a Godzilla vs. Mothra spectacle, this is the time.
So, we have a doomed candidate who's only strategy seems to be positioning herself as a big enough asshole to battle another giant asshole even though that plan doesn't work and there may not be another asshole to fight.
And this is where we are after 15 months. I'll return to a simple three-word comment to summarize.
Two interesting stories. They almost make me wonder if maybe folks are beginning to see through the bullshit.
If a tree falls in the forest... You get the idea. Does this actually count as a speech if no one bothered to listen?
No you can't! At least a few people at this speaking engagement were ready to answer what Hillary mistakenly assumed was a purely rhetorical question. Whoops, Monster!
Like every other halfway sane person in the world, I've been a little pissed off at Hillary Clinton since Barry O. opened his mouth and made the politically-unwise decision to attempt an explanation of why so many people are pissed off and, yes, bitter.
The Monster has been on the loose. She's running around faster than one of the infected from 28 Days Later, shrieking to all who will listen about just how damn elitist and "out of touch" Obama is.
It's the kind of fib-based, overcalculating, diseased thinking that exemplifies the Clinton campaign. After months of poo-pooing Obama's positive message and reminding us that things are so fucked up that only an experienced genius sniper-fire-dodger like The Monster can handle them, Hillary is now feigning shock that anyone might be even a teensy bit bitter about the way the economy and government have been doing their thing without offering the courtesy reach around to the "workin' folk."
Hillary four days ago: Wake up, people. Our country is up shit creek and I'm the only one with a paddle. Pregnant women are dying left and right because they don't have health insurance. Regular folks are watching the sheriff auction off their homes as we speak. Things are going to Hell in a handbasket! Do you really want to turn this clusterfuck over to a novice who isn't a Muslim, as far as I know? All Obama has is a pretty speech or two and this ultra-optimistic and utterly unrealistic belief that we can actually improve circumstances before the dawn of the next century. Give me a break. We need a little more alarmism and a lot less Norman Vincent Peale around here!
Hillary today: Can you believe my opponent? He actually thinks people are bitter over the state of America? Is he kidding? Why would anyone be bitter? Why would anyone be pissed off? Gee whiz, the people with whom I speak are optimistic, positive and excited about the future. How could anyone think things suck? Who would've put that kind of crazy idea into their heads, huh? Let's stop being smarty-pants elitists who draw attention to the bad stuff. Let's start being positive thinkers for a change!
That's a head-spinner, no?
Hillary is out doing shots, guzzling brew and playing with guns. She's reminding us that she's "in touch" with Joe Six Pack. She's running with the RNC talking points on her Blackberry, but going the extra mile by dropping her "g's" to sound more folksy.
The same Monster who tried to make sure the world jumped Obama's ass when he admitted a modicum of admiration for Ronnie Reagan's communication skills is now running to the right of Barry on every think imaginable in a crazed effort to convince Reagan Democrats that she's the Gipper without a penis.
Anyone who's still backing The Monster better be doing so out of admiration of her willingness to do absolutely anything to convince just one more person to vote for her. If you're willing to dump Obama for Clinton right now, she will personally give you a half-hour footrub and will chisel out a 10' ice sculpture of the White House for you. Toss in a donation and she'll kick her momma in the stomach, if you so desire.
If you're voting for Hillary, you are voting to reward the most obsessive and craven pursuit of power I have ever witnessed. A fighter? No. A disturbing freak. She is a zombie who, instead of feeding on the brains of others, dines on their votes.
Anyway, I get wrapped up in it all. It disgusts me, her intentional infection of the body politic with soul cancer. It intrigues me, too, because I cannot understand how anyone who pays a fucking shred of attention to all of this could possibly think she is anything short of dead inside. I get carried away with it.
I stare at the gnarled and dying trees she's planting and I lose focus on the larger forest. That's the point of this post. Hillary Clinton's campaign is a freakshow so compelling that it distracts us from the inevitable reality of her defeat.
We shouldn't give damn what she's saying, how she's saying it, how much it differs from both reality and what she said ten minutes ago, or to whom she's saying it.
Hillary Clinton isn't going to get the nomination and we all know that--at least those of us who are able to sensibly assess probabilities. The futures markets give her a slim-to-none chance. The math makes a mockery of the idea of Monster win. There's absolutely no evidence to suggest the kind of sea change she'd need among super-d's to capture the Democratic crown.
If she did defy all odds and nab the nomination, she'd get her ass handed to her anyway. Hillary Clinton cannot and will not become the President of the United States of America. She lost long ago and her lingering presence couldn't be less meaningful if her name was Alan Keyes.
But we watch and we have conniption fits because she comes at us from all angles with no memory of yesterday and no plan for tomorrow other than "kill, kill, kill". She is the evil robot monster run amok. The mindless serial killer chasing babysitters upstairs. She keeps going and going like Leatherface through the Texas woods.
It's good television and it pushes buttons, but it is nothing more than a few dried and dead trees rotting from within in a very large forest.
That being said, I'm not looking away. Here are a few other examples of just how hard it is for people to ignore the freakshow. For your additional reading pleasure (and because I know you can't resist, either):
*Bark, bugs, leaves and lizards has Hillary angst. *Ben at Liberty and the Limits of Power sees a shameless monster, too. *Carl Bernstein imagines a Hillary presidency--and sees an endless psychodrama. *John Cole discusses Hillary Clinton, liar. *Vichy Dems questions Hillary's bump and brew pedigree. *Reign of Error has perspective and demonstrates great word efficiency.
It's easy to blame losers instead of crediting winners. You see it all the time. Kansas didn't win the basketball national championship, Memphis screwed up and lost it. The Giants only won the Super Bowl because the Patriots stunk. It's always the loser's mistakes and never the victor's skills, it seems.
She did a smash-up job winning Pennsylvania. She withstood a massive spending imbalance. She quickly and forcefully jumped on top of every little Obama act that could be twisted into a negative. She got her picture taken while guzzling brews, talked about her family's involvement with the gun culture and painted her opponent as a snobby elitist in an area where snobby elitists aren't all that popular. She did the better job in the debate of appearing Presidential to the remaining undecided voters and soft Obama supporters. She made all the requisite TV appearances and even snuck in a day-before interview with KO at MSNBC, proving that she didn't mind walking into the lion's den in exchange for face time.
If we wanted to select Presidents based on their ability to run tenacious long-shot campaigns... If we wanted to choose leaders based on their ability to execute old school politics like true professionals... If we wanted to honor those who are really good at playing the game... Well, it that's what we wanted I think Hillary Clinton has made a very strong case for herself since Super Tuesday.
