By request... Examining the wit and genius of Taylor Marsh... There isn't much of either...

This one's by request.

I wrote a miniature biography of "talk radio host" (cue uproarious laughter) Taylor Marsh. Later, I resonded to her bullshit implications that I'm a "hate diarist" and a "gnat" who's "plumbing" her past as part of anti-Hillary McCarthyism. I suffered through Taylor Marsh's self-published vanity project of a "book" and offered a review. I became an illustrator after receiving veiled threats of future litigation because I appropriated her Glamour Shot-like photos.

I advised people to counteract her attempt to break out of the vanity radio box when she begged her zombie nation of commenters to contact Air America and XM Radio on her behalf. I've mentioned the fact that her blog and her childlike analysis are symptomatic of the worst kind of disease riddling our body politic.

Every time I discuss former Queen of the Personal Ads, at least a handful of her readers complain that I'm just hatin'. They say that my criticisms of the beauty-queen-turned-podcaster are nothing more than ad hominen attacks. Well, they don't really say that because the closest they get to Latin is when one of them identifies the local GED testing center as an alma mater. In any case, they claim I'm all insult and no substance.

Guess what? They're almost right. I haven't spent a lot of time pinpointing justifications for my position that Taylor Marsh is a substandard punditry. I sort of assumed it was obvious, I guess. Apparently, though, it isn't clear to everyone just how hackerific her ramblings really are. So, I'm going to take one recent post from Marsh and comment on it.

I doubt any of the Marshzombies will suddenly change their minds about Taylor after reading this. And I do understand the whole "why waste your time?" thing. Marsh backers sometimes seem more like followers of Marshall Applewhite than the former Michelle Marshall. I'm no Seneca, but "optimum est pati quod emendare non possis" is reasonably persuasive. Nonetheless, they did ask for it. It's the least I can do. Who knows, it might be fun, too. Oh, and I did the Latin thing just to be obnoxious.

I didn't feel a need to cherry pick the most idiotic possible post to review. I wanted to keep it fair. I picked a number between 1 and 10 and then cruised on over to Taylor Marsh's site. I designated the top post as "1" and counted along until I hit my magic number, "3". Red meat, kids. Red meat.

Headline: Obama Blows Democratic Party's McSame Strategy

This is rich. In case you haven't read this Marshit, I'll give you a handy dandy summary before working through it in greater detail:

Democrats should be pissed off at Barry Obama because he said that each of the three remaining candidates would be a better option than George W. Bush. Taylor believes that the big Democratic strategy for November hinges upon painting McCain as a Bush clone. Thus, mentioning that McCain may be a little less fucked in the head than George W. is a strategic error of the highest order.

No, seriously. That's the argument. Wow! I knew this would be easy, but this is almost TOO easy, don't you think? Let's take a closer look at the wit and wisdom of the blogosphere's favorite vanity author and purchaser of AM radio time, shall we?

Originally, I thought about doing a line-by-line dissection. I realized that was going to be a little too time-consuming. Plus, I'd hate to have Marsh get all worked up about having the full text of her goofery republished elsewhere. So, I invite you to read her whole crazy post on your own. Here are a few of the many reasons her post is weaker than 3.2 beer at the ballpark:

ONE: SHE PRETENDS AS IF HER UNDERLYING ASSUMPTION IN GOSPEL TRUTH

Marsh's argument relies on the presupposition that the "McSame" strategy is a good one. If you don't first accept the premise that comparing Bush to McCain is a winning plan, there's absolutely no reason to get hacked at Barry for saying that McCain might not be quite as bad as W.

As it turns out, there is reason to doubt that linking McCain to Bush might not be the most ingenious vote-gathering ploy in history.

First, it's going to be a tougher sell than people might think. Although the video from the DNC does a cute job of painting John and George as lovers, there are substantive disagreements between the two guys. McCain has made a point of reminding people of this differences, too. Now, you could argue that McCain's distancing efforts aren't compelling, but it isn't too hard to imagine him avoiding the Bush albatross around his neck--especially when Bushies are constantly criticizing him as being out of lockstep with the conservative march.

Second, it's not clear that linking Bush and McCain will actually result in a win. No matter how much we all might believe that W. is a complete failure of a President, the guy has demonstrated an ability to hang in there. He wasn't all that hip when he personally beat Kerry. It's not a certainty that Bush would be an anchor if tied to McCain. It might even help him get a little bit of that currently up-in-the-air conservative support.

Third, it's not really all that honest. McCain and Bush do hold similar perspectives on some very important issues. They are not long last fraternal twin brothers, though. Yes, McCain has flipped a little toward the Bush side on a handful of popular conservative issues. However, I don't think it's intellectually honest to argue that a McCain White House would be a twin of a Bush White House.

Fourth, even if it is a winning plan, it isn't the only winning plan. There's no reason to assume that undermining the McSame strategy spells inevitable Democratic doom.

That's the first error in Marsh's post. She assumes the "paint 'em with the same brush" is a sure thing winner. It isn't. Even IF you believe it is, however, her argument is still faulty.

TWO: OBAMA'S COMMENTS DON'T DECIMATE THE MCSAME APPROACH, ANYWAY

If you DO think that pairing McCain and Bush is a fine plan, there's no reason to go nutty over the fact that Obama said McCain would do a better job as POTUS than GWB. Saying someone would do a better job than George Bush sets the bar very low. My dead uncle would probably do a better job than George BUsh, even though he's been buried for ten years. Your dog has a 50/50 chance of fucking up things less than George Bush. We could elect a former porn site editor with delusions of grandeur into the White House and she'd poll with higher approval numbers than GWB.

Saying that McCain is better than bush is like saying it might be marginally better to have someone kick the shit out of you for an hour than it would be to have them stab you seven times in the midsection with a rusty chef's knife. It isn't a compliment of great significance. "Hey, John McCain, I think you'd be a better President than randomly selected drunken hobo with a schizophrenic disorder." Wow, I'm sure he'll take that compliment with a smile, right?

It's not necessary to completely demonize John McCain to criticize him effectively. There are plenty of things not to like about John McCain. If you believe that Bush and McCain are political twins, you can still make that argument without refusing to recognize that Johnny Mac might be a little better than George W.

Those, like Marsh, who get indignant and offended by a willingness on Obama's part to admit that McCain is not the bastard son of Hitler and Ilse Koch, bother me. It's as if they fear any insertion of reason and perspective into politics will somehow render their candidates and messages impotent. I don't think that's the case and I tend to believe that the instinctive desire to portray political rivals as the embodiment of pure evil is one reason why voter apathy is so high. Instead of turning down the bullshit heat as a way of inviting people back to the political table, the kneejerks believe that cranking the burner up to "high" will somehow attract a crowd.

THREE: MARSH IS BASICALLY ADVOCATING DISHONESTY

According to Taylor Marsh, we need Obama mentioning that anyone would do better than George Bush as much as we do a "whole [sic] in the head". Apparently, we should avoid the truth if it might hurt a little bit. Anything to win, right Monster fans?

Look, McCain would be a better President than George Bush. A LOLCat would be a better President than George Bush. It's okay to know that. It's okay to say that.

There is a reason why McCain draws a relatively high level of Independent support compared to most Republicans. There is a reason McCain is often considered a moderate Republican. It's because he's not as fucked up as Gorgeous George. No, I'm not campaigning for Johnny Mac here. I'm just willing to admit that he is less of a buffoon that Bush. Why am I comfortable saying that? Uh, because it's true.

And even if you don't think there's a beam of daylight between Dubya and John, it seems very unlikely that McCain could duplicate the fuckuppery of the Bush Administration even if he tried. Assembling a cast of dimwits (Ashcroft, Gonzalez, Rumsfeld, Cheney, et al.) requires a perfect storm of bad luck and weak decision making. It's a one-of-a-kind freakshow of idiocy.

Marsh is basically arguing that it's more important to keep a questionable strategy intact for November than it is to let a little honesty slip into our political discourse. That's a reprehensible position to take. Even those who do see two peas in a pod when they look at Bush and McCain know, deep in their hearts, that Johnny is a slightly better guy than John.

Don't believe me? Ask Taylor's fan club. Her commenters are always jabbering about how they'll vote McCain if things don't break their way. Unless these "Democrats" are willing to sign up for a so-called Bush third term, they recognize that McCain isn't THAT bad. Either that, or they are just so anti-Obama that they've lost all control over their faculties. I suppose it's probably the second option, so I'll just leave it at that.

I simply can't understand why someone would argue that it's better to tell a lie or to commit a lie of omission than it is to be honest. I can't understand why anyone would value ends over means in that way when our current messes can so often be traced back to an unwillingness to confront issues, people and ideas in a way that keeps our intellectual credibility intact. That's the Marsh argument, though. Demonize McCain like crazy, even if you have to sidestep the truth, because it's a "winning strategy". Who else feels nauseated by this Monster-like thinking?

FOUR: MARSH'S HYPOCRISY WITH RESPECT TO PARTY LOYALTY

There's another reason Marsh's goofball missive is startling. It is wildly hypocritical. Follow along with me here, kids...

Marsh is willing to roast Barry O. because he won't play along with what she perceives as being the DNC's plan. You gotta be on the same page with the party to keep McCain out of the White House. Yet Marsh has no problem whatsoever with Clinton's past intimations that McCain would be a better President (or at least a more qualified President) than Barack Obama. In Taylor's world, it's okey dokey to slice the neck of one of your own party's most significant figures but it's not okay to deviate from the DNC anti-Republican plan.

You can fuck each other over with hot pokers, Barry and Hillary. That's consistent with party loyalty standards. Just don't admit that McCain might not be as bad as Bush. THAT is unacceptable. That seems to be the wildly hypocritical loyalty argument she's making.

FIVE: MARSH'S BABBLE IGNORES PAST CLINTON STATEMENTS

Coming down on Obama for saying that McCain isn't as putrid as Bush completely ignores past statements made by Hillary Clinton, who comes out smelling like a rose in the Marsh post. Taylor arguest that Clinton's past comments about McCain only say that he'd be a formidable opponent--not that he'd be better than George Bush. That's enough of a difference for her to attack Barack and to lovingly caress the snakes that make up Monster's hair. It's also bullshit.

Clinton has told the world that McCain has crossed the Commander in Chief threshhold. She's consistently tried to portray herself and John McCain as the two legitimate contenders while Barack is, in her view, a guy who once gave a speech. The combined weight of Hillary's comments about John McCain indicate that she knows he's not a complete fuck up ala George W. Bush.

To pretend as though her past remarks and Bill's infamous "two people who love this country" crap, and assorted other examples of her campaign indicating that John McCain is not a slobbering piece of shit are somehow less at odds with the McSame strategy is the worst kind of bullshit cherry picking.

Hillary Clinton has had some halfway decent things to say about McCain while, sometimes in the same speeches, lambasting Bush. There's a reason why that happens. McCain isn't as bad as Bush. He might be bad, but he's not as bad. Everyone with a brain knows that. Too pretend as though it must be kept a secret is silliness. Pretending as if Hillary has somehow worked diligently to protect the party strategy by not clearly stating "McCain may be slightly less damaging than our current putz" is ignorant in the truest sense of the word.

SIX: ELEVEN FUCKING WORDS, PEOPLE.

The McSame post is all about the way Obama is hosing the Dems by not hating on McCain strongly enough. Although Marsh lays out this childlike argument with her usual level of acumen (not a compliment), she glosses over Obama's actual remarks. Oh, she provides them, but she only plays with the part she likes. Here's what Barry said:

"You have a real choice in this election. Either Democrat would be better than John McCain," Obama said to cheers from a rowdy crowd in central Pennsylvania. Then he said: "And all three of us would be better than George Bush."

She's obsessed with those last eleven words. Oh, by the way, those eleven words were just about the only part of Obama's presentation that had anything to do with drawing a comparison between McCain and Bush. He didn't expound upon this notion that McCain was better than Dubya for hours and hours. We're talking about eleven words. Oh, and those eleven words came right after eight words that actually DO put the comment into perspective.

"Either Democrat would be better than John McCain."

Yeah, it really sounds like Barry wants a job on the Straight Talk Express, doesn't it? He didn't give a pro-McCain speech. He gave a pro-Obama speech, which is what you'd expect from a guy who's campaigning. He was nice enough, however, to give Hillary a little thumbs up, though. I think that's sort of nice to him considering that Hillary's fucked up rant about the dreaded eleven words were nothing more than a double-barrelled attack on Barack and John McCain.

Obama: "Either Democrat would be better than John McCain."

Monster (after criticizing McCain): "We need a nominee who will take on John McCain, not cheer on John McCain, and I will be that nominee."

Who's "on the same page" with the Democratic party again, Taylor?

And who really thinks it's a good idea to get so worked up over a single sentence in a longer speech that isn't inaccurate or dishonest? Is that really the kind of politics we want?

It is in Taylor's marsh, I guess.

Me? I'm looking for something a little better. And something that makes a little more sense.




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Hillary Clinton announces two-monster creature feature... Selling fear again, with a twist....

Only Hillary Monster Clinton could combine perverse creativity with an absolute lack of decency to turn the politics of fear inward onto itself. Hillary isn't warning of an outside evil--she's on the klaxon warning us that John McCain will feast on the naive, innocent flesh of Barack Obama if given the chance.

It's a bizarre proof that even relatively bright people can't figure out very simple things.

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
Alien vs. Predator
Dracula vs. Frankenstein
Freddy vs. Jason

Clinton vs. McCain?

Hillary Clinton is a fucking monster and her latest attempt to gather the support amongst rank and file voters and slow-to-announce superdelegates is to warn them that John McCain is a monster, too. Who better to fight an evil monster hellbent on the acquisition of power than another hell-spawned creature with zero conscience, right?

Is this really where we are after 15 months of campaigning? Sweet Baby Jesus playing air guitar while listening to Canned Heat on vinyl, people are sick.

It was bad enough when the media decided that actually talking about boring stuff like real policy and the direction of the country had to take a backseat to handicapping elections as if they were the 6th race at Evangeline Downs. Now, the politicians themselves are pitching themselves based on their own self-serving prognostication "skills".

If you needed one more reason to think Hillary Clinton is the embodiment of every fucked up aspect of American politics, last night's bizarre performance on ABC should've done the trick.

Monster say Barack okay. Monster say Hillary better. Me better because McCain Monster strong. Must be strong to fight McCain Monster. Barack no monster. Me mightiest monster. Hillary survive many monster battles. Monster is fighter. Monster eat brains.

Three words: Fuck you, Monster.

Clinton's big sales pitch is that she's been thoroughly "vetted" because Republicans and sane Democrats have hated her for decades. Thus, she has built up some kind of resistance to their mean-spirited attacks. She can handle those nasty RNC bastards. They've kicked her around for years and she's still standing. Obama, she warns, is a bit of an unknown. Sure, he's okay with us, but what's going to happen when the rabid devil dogs of the Republican hate machine start trying to chew off the very kneecaps she's been trying to shatter, huh?

If you fear Republicans, vote Hillary.

The politics of fear used to be about mobilizing voters around external threats. If you don't vote for me, the evil Ninjas are going to sneak into your closets and execute your children. If you don't vote for me, black guys are going to steal your kids at 3:00 a.m. while on a work furlough from the prison. Vote for me or something really fucking scary will make you die. It's a simple and time-tested bullshit equation.

Only Hillary Monster Clinton could combine perverse creativity with an absolute lack of decency to turn the politics of fear inward onto itself. Hillary isn't warning of an outside evil--she's on the klaxon warning us that John McCain will feast on the naive, innocent flesh of Barack Obama if given the chance.

It's a bizarre proof that even relatively bright people can't figure out very simple things. Clinton has been getting her pants suited ass handed to her on a regular basis from sea to shining sea because she's been unable to clue into the fact that a pretty fat portion of the electorate is sick and tired of attack politics, lying for power and general sleaziness. Now that her shot-snorting back is against the wall you'd think that she'd come to her senses and make an effort to show the world that maybe, just maybe, she isn't a monstrous bitch who's way to easy to hate.

No dice. She's doing the exact opposite. She's doing more of what put her in trouble in the first place. It's the most counter-intuitive thing I can imagine. If you're losing to hope and an idea that our politics can change it just doesn't make much sense to argue vociferously that the general election will inevitably be a hopeless and senseless bloodbath or that the only way for D-people to secure the highest office is by turning the old school politics up a notch.

Hillary is now selling the idea of a Monster when the voters have clearly expressed a preference for a Van Helsing.

The only possible way to sell that particularly malignancy--that you're worth a vote because you're the right Monster for the job--is to make people pee their pants at the prospect of facing a Republican Monster later. It's sick and wrong.

It's sick because it really is the same old shitty song at a higher volume. It's another chorus of politics as bloodsport. Another invitation to pick a candidate because their better at playing a noxious game.

It's dressed up in "fighter" lingo. That's just what we need, isn't it? We have a country with a government that seems to have about a 2% success rate on anything it tries to accomplish and the best way to fix the mess is to declare a neverending war on those who don't share your sentiments? Fuck persuading the other guy. Just needle him to death with bullshit, disable him and force something through with no regard for decency, honesty or honor. Awesome plan. It's really been working lately, huh?

Oh, and it's wrong because Barry O. has done a pretty damn good job of proving that you don't necessarily have to be a complete slimeball to engender support, increase interest and snare votes a-plenty. If the Monster Plan worked, Hillary wouldn't be on the losing end of this nomination process, would she?

I was watching John McCain at an AP function the other day. He was talking about his willingness to sit down with the Democratic candidate to try to come up with a way to decrease the influence of the 527s. McCain was one of the only Republicans who didn't sport wood after watching the Swiftboat freaks turn John Kerry into Ho Chi Minh's illegitimate lovechild. McCain promises a sincere and decent general election.

He won't be able to deliver with perfection. Not even close. Surrogates will go nuts. Hardliners will freak out. The media, unable to resist the opportunity to sink their vampiric fangs into the meat of make-believe scandal, will make things uglier than they need to be.

That being said, I don't think we're going to see the Rovian attack mutts this time around. That isn't McCain's game. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he's Mr. Awesome. I do, however, think he's a character cut or three above Geo. W. Bush.

And now that he's on record about not being a Monster, it'll be tough for him to get too nasty if he changes his mind. That's another reason why Hillary's scary campfire story is so lame. If there's ever been a time where the Democrats don't necessarily need an evil genius to duke it out in a Godzilla vs. Mothra spectacle, this is the time.

So, we have a doomed candidate who's only strategy seems to be positioning herself as a big enough asshole to battle another giant asshole even though that plan doesn't work and there may not be another asshole to fight.

And this is where we are after 15 months. I'll return to a simple three-word comment to summarize.

Fuck you, Monster.

Now everybody, let's do the Monster Mash!






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Clinton & McCain react to Obama's "bitterness" comments... Why they're wrong and horrible...

Hey folks... If you like profanity-laced rants against the creepy little cheap-shot panderers known as Senators McCain and Clinton, this one is a keeper.

I thought my own response to the bullshitters who have feigned outrage over Barack Obama's exercise in truth-telling was pretty good. Ben at Liberty and the Limits of Power, however, kicks more ass. Here's a guy who's leaning toward McCain who's willing and able to take on the faux disgust Johnny Mac and The Monster have expressed.



An excerpt:

What Barack Obama said was not ill-chosen. It was honest. And you know how I know that? Because I've spent my entire fucking life amongst such people. This is where I come from. They are bitter. They do turn to guns and religion and anti-trade and anti-immigrant impulses to rationalize their bitterness and insecurity in a world where they can never be responsible for their own situation. It is THE problem in poor communities, white, black, and otherwise in America, in liberal democracies, but probably in illiberal areas of the world, as well.

Why are people so generally afraid of speaking such truths?

Good question, hombre. Very good question.





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Friday fun... Michelle Obama, baseball cards, David Brock and the Bataan death march...

Looking for something to read or watch? Try these.

Some good. Some bad. Some WTF.

Taylor Marsh is publishing guest posts. Considering the usual quality of her work, that might sound like a good idea. It's not. Reading this is like suffering through the Bataan Death March! Please know that the author, "JB" is NOT John Brown, yours truly.

Josh Wilker deserves a book deal. With a fat cash advance, so he can go out and buy some of the vintage baseball cards he's lost through the years.

Although I think Michelle Obama is vaguely hot and although my mind does wander into areas where it probably shouldn't, I don't think blogging about her head-giving skills is a good idea. I don't think the Monster herself needs to weigh in on this and I'm probably less offended than those at the Rump Roast or Cali Tejano, but still... Let's just say there are some loons out there in Monster Country.

Am I the only guy rooting for Obama who isn't tickled pink at the idea of giving David Brock $40 million to help the Democratic cause? I have a feeling this will end ugly and silly. I don't mind going after McCain--honestly and fairly--I just have my doubts that Brock is the best choice to steward that stack of cash.

Oh, and Power to the Motherfuckin' People, kids. If you thought Mike Gravel's cover of Helter Skelter was a mega-super wacky pack, check this one out. Gravel is a nut, but I bet he's fun at parties.








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Hillary voters won't back Barack? I can live with that... We'll be fine...

According to the one and only Jake Tapper (Officially Certified Idiot) at ABC, Democrats are taking this Clinton vs. Obama thing seriously.

Apparently, tons of Clinton voters will bail on the Democratic party if Obama wins, handing McCain a decided advantage in a general election.

It's the same on the flip-side. If Hillary wins, Obama backers won't help her out. Good news for McCain. Not really, because a Clinton win would require the intervention of Mr. Rourke and Tattoo, but more on that later.

Let's assume that Jake Tapper got lucky enough to actually report the poll findings correctly for a moment. Considering his history of dumb-shittery, there is a strong likelihood he didn't, but we're going give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Plus, let's pretend like the data is accurate. We're just playing with ideas here, after all.

If it's true that Hillary people won't back Barack and that Obama people won't turn out for Hillary... If it's true that this race has fractured the party... If it's true... Well...

I'm okay with that.

Look, Hillary isn't going to win the nomination. That will not happen. Period. The 10% chance thing is a pipe dream. The odds of her winning are zero. A Coppin State NCAA tournament championship was more likely than a Clinton nomination (Sorry about the play-in loss, Fang.).

I don't have to worry about choosing between Hillary and McCain. Hillary isn't going to win.

So, we have the now-inevitable match-up between John McCain and Barack Obama. What in the world will happen if the Taylor Marsh crowd and assorted other fans of The Monster decide to pout and stay home? What will happen if they backlash and throw their support behind John McCain?

I guess McCain will win. And I can live with that.

About a year ago, I saw some guy driving around with a bumper sticker on his car proclaiming "Anyone but Hillary". I thought that was a pretty silly sentiment. After getting a refresher course in Clintonian politics and reacquainted with The Monster, I have to give that dude kudos for getting it right. Hillary Clinton causes soul cancer and is bad. Period.

Compared to Hillary, John McCain is super awesome! I would totally tape his poster to my wall and write "John Brown McCain" all over my Trapper Keeper a billion times before I considered voting for The Monster.

Obviously, Obama is my first choice. But I'm going to level with you... I don't agree with everything he says and believes. I think he's silly about some things. I think he's wrong about some stuff. It just so happens that John McCain is a better match for me on some of those things, too.

Shhhh... I know, I'm supporting Barack. I'm supposed to be a true believin' cult member with a belief that Barry is a messiah. Don't spread it around that I'm a reasonable Barack backer. It will kill my rally cred.

I believe we need a change in our national vision. I believe we need someone in the White House who is genuinely dedicated to approaching our divisive politics and knee-jerk animosities seriously. I think we need someone who really does believe in America's potential and recognizes the way our current arrangements compromise that power. That's why I'm voting for Barack. I'm voting on meta-issues.

When it boils down to procedure, mechanism and policy alterations Barack and Hillary occupy similar turf. I like some of what both believe on this technocratic level, I disagree with some of it, too.

I feel the same way about John McCain on that level. I don't think he has the "vision thing" and I don't think he gets The Big Problem like Barack, but I'm damn near as comfortable with the idea of McCain's positions as I am with Barack's. Near, but not there.

So, if I can't get someone to help with a paradigm shift, I'm okay with getting the old-timer who's probably smart enough to avoid engulfing me in a nuclear fireball for four years. He'll just be the last 8-track tape we toss into the deck before moving on to better technology next time.

McCain may be a traditional pol. He brings more ho-hum than hope. I don't think he's evil, though.

I don't think his soul is a gnarled, dried up pod holding only a maniacal drive for power. I don't believe his brain has been reduced to an election calculation device that fragments populations, looks for cheap shot opportunities and disregards honesty in pursuit of victory. That describes The Monster.

I wouldn't be okay with rewarding the sick and degenerate politics of Hillary Clinton, though. She is the poster monster for the meta-problem. She is the fucking meta-problem.

Thank goodness I won't have to make that decision. Obama vs. McCain is forthcoming. I'm voting Barack. If the Hillary people stay home in November that's their fucking problem.

To borrow a sentiment from Hillary (who borrowed it from John Edwards who may have borrowed it from Bill in the first place):

Whatever happens, we'll be fine.





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Clinton vs. Obama and racism arguments... You ain't seen nothing yet... Wait until it's Obama vs. McCain...

I'm really interested in how the Geraldine Ferraro/race thing sorts itself out. Not because I'm really all that concerned about the phantom racism of old white women who just happen to have stopped reading and thinking about feminism before all of the race/gender intersection scholarship and activism blew up old-school "woman is the nigger of the world" thinking.

My interest is more future-oriented. I want to see how this plays out because, when it comes to race, you ain't seen nothing yet.

If you think the Democratic primaries have started to reveal some lingering issues of race in the U.S., just wait until Barack Obama squares off against John McCain down the road. That's when the shit will really hit the fan.

Whereas Geraldine Ferraro is just a very frustrated warrior clinging to a dying vision of feminism, John McCain has a track record that makes her comments look incredibly trivial.

McCain voted against making Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a national holiday.

McCain hired Terry Nelson, the guy who put together the anti-Harold Ford ad that many decried as racist.

McCain had a dust-up over the use of the expression "tar baby".

McCain raised money for George Wallace's kid, a member of the Council of Conservative Citizens, an organization on the Souther Poverty Law Center's hate group list. The CCC celebrates America's "European heritage" and takes offense to things like mixed marriages.

McCain has that "I'll always hate the gooks" thing going for him. Yeah, he says "gooks".

McCain was "honored" when John Hagee, he of the "slave sale" fund raisers, provided an endorsement.

McCain hired Richard Quinn, founder of "Southern Heritage", a guy who called Nelson Mandela a terrorist and blamed Martin Luther King, Jr., for creating perpetual dependence upon welfare among blacks.

Etc.

By the way, I don't think all of those criticisms prove John McCain is a bigot or anything. Some of them are weird, some are probably accidents, some are stupid. Some really are disturbing, but more in a "this guy has questionable judgment" way than in a "John McCain hates people" way.

However, this undoubtedly sets the stage for some race-related fireworks. Then, there's the traditional tension between blacks and the Republicans. You also have media "personalities" who will probably end up in McCain's corner who are certain to raise hackles and you can bet that at least a handful of surrogates will say stupid things--they always do (on both sides, by the way). The Republicans are sufficiently aware of that risk that they're already engaging in some prevention activities.

If Bill Clinton's allusion to Jesse Jackson when discussing Obama can make headlines and the frustrated grumblings of Geraldine Ferraro can trump Eliot Sptizer humping a whore in the press, you have to wonder what's going to happen with Obama vs. McCain.

That's why the reaction to the Ferraro babble interests me. It might be a sneak preview of things to come.

It'll be interesting to see how that plays out, huh?




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John McCain + John Hagee = Bullshit... Why John McCain made me sick...

Just when I start to feel a little hopeful about the future, jackasses screw the whole thing up.

Witness John Hagee's endorsement of John McCain. Look, I was giving McCain a lot of slack. I even had moments of Obama-doubting in which I toyed with the idea of voting for Mr. Straight Talk on the basis of some pretty significant foreign policy considerations. Not anymore.

He's a piece of shit, straight up.

I'm not going to play compare and contrast with Hagee/McCain and Farrakhan/Obama. Anyone smart enough to read this post is smart enough to figure out why the two episodes are different and how each candidate responded in different ways. Besides, this post isn't a defense of Obama's approach to the Farrakhan issue. It's a direct response to John McCain's behavior.

Here are a few indisputable truths...

ONE: John Hagee is a complete asshole and a walking Evangelical freakshow that should creep out everyone with 1/4 of a functioning brain.

Yeah, I guess the anti-Catholic thing bugged me a little bit. I'd hate to think that my wonderful late great-aunt was servicing the Whore of Babylon during all her years as a nun. I'm not quite willing to believe that my grandparents and their parents were doing Hitler's bidding, either.

Honestly, though, that kind of Pope-hating is the LEAST of my problems with Hagee. It's weird. It's over the top. It's undoubtedly unnecessarily offensive to millions of decent folk (whose theology, by the way, I don't adhere to), but my position on Hagee goes past the Bill Donahue argument. Which reminds me... This is the first time I've ever agreed with Bill Donahue that I can remember. Sign of the pending apocolypse?

Speaking of the apocolypse, Pastor Hagee's unwavering support of Israel--which appears to be one of the primary reasons so many politicos love his fat ass--isn't like some sort of pro-Jew thing. Oh no. To the contrary. Hagee is in that Coulter camp that believes Jews fall a little short of heaven's standards, if you know what I mean. Hagee is pro-Israel because a unified Israel is a precondition to the rapture.

The rapture? You know, that notion that God is gonna swoop up all the good people and leave the rest of us behind to fend for ourselves through some predetermined period of shittiness. That rapture. It's all part of the apocolypse that features Russians backing Islamic states in a war against a unified Israel after someone nukes Iran.

By the way, I am SERIOUS. Hagee preaches this crap. He wants to nuke Israel to usher in the apocolypse and the ensuing rapture, which apparently features Jesus Christ showing up on a white horse somewhere. No, really. I am SERIOUS. He's not pro-Israel, he just wants the unified Israel ingredient in his end times recipe ready.

Hagee also thinks that God gave us Hurricane Katrina as a punishment. A punishment for what? Depends on when you ask him. He's said that it had something to do with our policy in the middle east (if you aren't going all-out pro-Israel, the big guy will hand down an ass-kicking). He's also said that it was sent to beat the shit out of New Orleans because of all the sin there.

I've been to New Orleans. On my last trip, there was sin a-plenty. I had an awesome stripper volunteer to whip me in a VIP room with a piece of rawhide that would've done Rowdy Yates proud. I saw underaged drinking teen girls flashing boobs for beads, which gave me an understanding of how the Europeans were able to let go of morality to buy Manhattan for a few trinkets.

I took a piss next to a dude who was wearing a skirt and heels while I sucked nitrous oxide out of a balloon I purchased from a one-armed street urchin wearing a tattered old NWA t-shirt. New Orleans had some sin. Agreed.

But I don't think God got so pissed off at the eaters of king cake that he decided to obliterate them with a hurricane. I know this sounds crazy, but I think it might have had something to do with weather patterns and meteorological stuff. You know, science. Hey, it's not en vogue with Hagee's crowd, but science sometimes does explain stuff. Like hurricanes. Or, I suppose Jesus got really upset about an upcoming gay pride parade and decided to wallop the gulf coast. You tell me which sounds more reasonable? Hagee votes gay pride = hurricane. You?

Hagee also thinks that every Muslim (yes EVERY Muslim) is under order from the Koran to kill infidels like me. Every last one. Intense.

There's this Roger Waters solo album, The Pros and Cons of Hitchiking. The narrator has this horrible dream in which he awakes to find "Arabs with knives at the foot of the bed". This is Hagee's world. Those Islamic dudes are hellbent on killing everyone else.

I know what you're thinking... "Well, that seems silly. History and even every day life teaches me that not all Muslims are committed to killing everyone who doesn't buy into the Allah thing." Well, buddy, your logic and ability to draw inferences from empirical evidence has no place here. The guy who's all simpatico with Jesus says it's true. Hey, you might want to get busy nuking Iran and getting the Good Lord back here pronto.

Otherwise, Cat Stevens is gonna pop out of your bedroom closet at 3:00 a.m. and behead you with a Tea for the Tillerman LP. You won't have time to call Hillary or anyone else before your whole family is jihad-ded. Decapitation by sensitive 70s pop is part of Mohammed's evil plan. Just ask John Hagee. Even if he won't confirm the scriptural accuracy of that scenario, he won't deny its possibility.

There are many other reasons to put the Hagee file in the asshole cabinet, but I'm gonna stop here. I think that's enough for now. Anyone who wants to stick up for this bozo should be aware, however, that these observations are the tip of a very big iceberg. To repeat, John Hagee is a complete asshole.

TWO: John McCain sought out and then expressed his appreciation for the support of the giant dickwad known as John Hagee.

This was not one of those "accidental endorsement" things. McCain pursued the Hagee thumbs-up. John McCain apparently felt as though he needed to shore up support among those right-wing evangelical types and figured a vote of confidence from Pastor Hagee was just what the doctor ordered. After all, Hagee is a big hit on TV (well, at least in the realm of tele-preachers, although I think re-runs of Flo's Yellow Rose still pull in better Nielsen numbers) and he heads a big ol' church that has damn near 20,000 members.

With everyone on the right pissed off at the McCain asendency, he needed to secure a little street cred with the so-called base. He got it from Hagee. And he took it. In person. Smiling. Thankful.

Oh, yes. He actually took the endorsement while staring a stage with the goon. McCain stood by the preacher man, nodding along with his jibber-jabber and then expressing his appreciation for the endorsement. He was honored. He was proud. He was downright fucking giddy that this giant supreme asshole endorsed him. And don't even think he didn't know what kind of asswipe Hagee was. All it takes is Google and about 20 seconds to figure that out.

THREE: It's hard to resist another Straight Talk Express joke when you consider this thing carefully...

The Straight Talk Express ran into a ditch, lost its wheels, had a faulty GPS system, was recalled by the manufacturer, was a lemon, was part of a DUI incident, wrecked, derailed, etc., etc. etc. Take your pick.

No matter how you slice it, McCain sold out like a cheap fucking whore in order to get some creepy evangelical mojo from Pastor John Hagee.

McCain used to have the guts to look at these religious freakshows and call bullshit. He called out GW Bush for going to Bob Jones University because the school was anti-Catholic and racist. Now, he's buddy-buddy with the dipstick who thinks the Catholic church is a tool of the anti-Christ and who makes slavery into a joke at church-sponsored events.

Once upon a time, John McCain said:


"I recognize and celebrate that our country is founded upon Judeo-Christian values. And I have pledged my life to defend America and all her values, the values that have made us the noblest experiment in history. But political intolerance by any political party is neither a Judeo-Christian nor an American value.

The political tactics of division and slander are not our values. They are corrupting influences on religion and politics and those who practice them in the name of religion or in the name of the Republican Party or in the name of America shame our faith, our party and our country.

Neither party should be defined by pandering to the outer reaches of American politics and the agents of intolerance whether they be Louis Farrakhan or Al Sharpton on the left, or Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell on the right."

Now he's pandering to a guy who makes Pat Robertson look sane. I don't know if you've ever listened to or watched Pat Robertson. It's hard to make him look sane. John Hagee, however, makes Robertson look like a fucking well-adjusted Rhodes scholar of some sort. McCain used to have the guts to call these guys out for what they are--assholes--now he's crawling around with his mouth open like Jessica Hahn during a late night work session with Jim Bakker.

John McCain once argued:

"We are the party of Ronald Reagan not Pat Robertson. We are the party of Theodore Roosevelt not the party of special interests. We are the party of Abraham Lincoln not Bob Jones. Join us. Join us."

Straight talk, my ass.

Let's call this whole thing with Hagee exactly what it is: it's pandering to get votes. It's about putting an opportunity for victory above and beyond principle. It's about making deals with the devil (couldn't resist) in order to get a shot at the top job. It's about whoring yourself, tarnishing your reputation, skull-fucking the severed head of your personal credibility and turning yourself into a weak liar who smells worse than the standard-issue diseased sycophantic politician.

When you stake your popularity and your believability in your penchant for honesty and straight talk, it's a wee bit disturbing to sell out to a guy who stands in direct contrast to your expressed beliefs.

It's sad, John McCain. Really sad. You went out there and worked to get this douchebag's support so you could shore up your support among (what I hope to be) fringe republicans. I wasn't even rooting for you and I'm depressed.

FOUR: Half-assed retreats don't play well...

After people started noticing and commenting on the fact that John Hagee is a freak that would make Barnum's mouth water, McCain shuffled a little bit.

He didn't repudiate, reject, denounce, renounce or otherwise wave off the Hagee endorsement. Nah, he just said that he didn't necessarily agree with everything Hagee preached and that he couldn't be expected to line up with every supporter from top to bottom on every issue.

That's true, in a way. Hey, I'm supporting Obama and I doubt that means he wants to support some of my more controversial beliefs (Although my Mexican stripper plan would kick ass. Barack, call me.) I get that.

However, there are limits to that argument. You cannot buy a bag of shit with the stink removed, people. It comes with the deal.

After that Bill Cunningham goofus went all Barack HUSSEIN Obama on a McCain rally crowd, McCain huddled the press and distanced himself from the prick. Good move. The guy is a complete ass-hat, after all. At the time, I was really cool with McCain. I was excited to have a stand-up and decent guy running for President, even if he wasn't MY guy. I respected him and his willingness to do that.

There were people who claimed it was bullshit. They said McCain put Cinci Willy out there on purpose to get folks rallied and to give a wink of recognition to the far-right crowd, planting some anti-Obama seed in the process. He only backed away, they argued, after the damage was done. It was intentional and calculated dirty pool, they said. I gave McCain the benefit of the doubt. I believed in his decency.

A few days later, though, and he's french-kissing John Hagee in front of the world. Then, he's called on it and all he can do is say that he doesn't agree with "everything" Hagee says.

Not good enough.

John McCain, I expect more from you.

This is not some minor thing to me. Seriously. No matter what happens from here on out, I will think of John McCain as the guy who teamed up with John Hagee in hopes of scoring a couple of percentage points in the polls. That's bad no matter who you are, but it's even worse when you've been an outspoken critic of his ilk up until the point when you felt you needed them to get you over the hump in November.

You see, like a lot of other people (I suspect), part of what I'm looking for in a President is some honor, integrity, honesty and open-mindedness. Putting your lips on the ass of John Hagee as part of some Faustian political bargain communicates none of these traits. It sucks and it's depressing.






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