Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo... Jinx, Controversy, and Joe Namath... I'm rooting for Dallas...

I'm rooting for Dallas because of Jessica Simpson. More accurately, I'm backing the Cowboys because (a) their quarterback is banging Simpson and (b) because I'm so freaking tired of hearing about she's the NFL equivalent of Yoko Ono.

I'm a lifelong Dallas Cowboys hater. It stems from early childhood. Adult influences turned me against them. Later and consciously I embraced a bit of the Raider mystique. I'm an anti-hero kind of guy. Roger "Mr. Perfect" Staubach wasn't my idea of cool. Still isn't.

Assorted other things piled up over time, intensifying my hatred of the Cowboys. Jerry Jones is a monstrous prick who represents at least 72% of the traits I'd describe as Pure Evil. Guys like Michael Irvin, Too Tall Jones, Hollywood Henderson and others rubbed me the wrong way. Barry Switzer? Jimmy Jones? Bill Parcells? Just typing those names made me a wee bit queasy.

I hate the Cowboys in principle and in practice. Until their post-season run concludes, however, I am a temporary Dallas Cowboys fan.

Strangely enough, my decision to support the 'Boys has nothing to do with the NFL's best tight end (sorry Anthony, Tony and Kellen), Jason Witten. Marion Barber and Julius Jones haven't influenced my decision. I still think T.O. is one of the all-time worst things to happen to the NFL and the stupid shadows that cover half the playing field because of the Texas Stadium roof still annoy me. I still hate the Cowboys, but I'm cheering for them anyway.

I'm rooting for Dallas because of Jessica Simpson. More accurately, I'm backing the Cowboys because (a) their quarterback is banging Simpson and (b) because I'm so freaking tired of hearing about she's the NFL equivalent of Yoko Ono.

Just in case you don't follow the NFL, here's a one-paragraph backgrounder on the Simpson/Romo situation. Romo used to date Carrie Underwood, who is apparently a country singer. They broke up. The Cowboys won many games with Romo at the helm. Then, he started dating Jessica Simpson. They didn't win by as much. Then he lost a game with her in the crowd. Idiots proclaimed Simpson a jinx. Idiot opposing fans attempted to rattle Romo with Jessica masks. Then, during a bye week, Romo took Simpson to Mexico and they partied when he could've been locked in an isolation chamber studying game film. Pundits, critics and other assorted slack-jawed goobers have interpreted this as the End of All Hope for the Cowboys.

Now, before I provide my perspective... Let me fill you in on my opinion re: Ms. Simpson. In brief, bulleted form, it goes something like this:
  • I don't find her remarkably talented.
  • I don't think she's particularly bright.
  • I don't consider myself a fan.
  • Based on what I've read, her daddy is creepy.
  • I have only thought about her sister one time for maybe .25 seconds.
  • I think she is incredibly freaking hot.

Oh, I know... Some weisenheimers are gonna talk about how she's not all that good looking. Such remarks are a lie. She is hot like motherfucking lava in a crockpot! She has a great body. She has a beautiful face. Jessica Simpson is sex on a platter and if you deny that fact, you are either lying or have passed into some super-human realm of ultra self-actualization where you really can sense inner beauty, read auras, etc. Those of us who tell the truth and have eyes? We want to have sex with Jessica Simpson.

So, here's Tony Romo. He's some second-tier quarterback from a second-tier college who has spent a few years backing up ancient and/or half-assed QBs. He gets a chance and does well. He screws a country crooner. He gets a huge payday. He treats himself to some Simpson.

This is wrong? Hell no. This is what he is SUPPOSED TO DO. It is the job of NFL football players to live the shallow dream. Even if you don't agree with that, I find it ridiculous to criticize a guy who gets a shot at banging Jessica Simpson for doing so. Ridiculous!

But what if humping Ms. Simpson or having her attend games somehow creates some sort of whacked out cosmic vibration that makes a team lose to the Eagles? Doesn't that de-justify continued relations with Ms. Simpson?

Fuck no.

Look at her:

Even if there was a jinx, it would be worth it. But there is no jinx. There's this little thing called coincidence. There are also little concepts like the logical fallacy of hasty generalization and the difference between correlation and causality that some of the critics of sexing up Daisy Duke v. 2.0 might want to investigate.

But wait... Someone is thinking, "If people believe in jinxes, streaks, etc. they become true!" Crash Davis may have told Nuke LaLoosh to "respect the streak", but the only rump up for grabs there belonged to Susan Sarandon. With all due respect to Ms. Sarandon, she's no Jessica Simpson. Baseball isn't football, either. Disrespect the streak, Tony. Keep on doing what you can with Jessica.


Still think Tony should get rid of Jess? Please take the following quiz.

Would you prefer to stick...
A. Your nose in a playbook or
B. Your _____ between Jessica Simpson's _____?

Do you like the sound of...
A. Pizza party in the tape room with the O-line or
B. Please rub this suntan lotion on Jessica Simpson's buttocks?

Would you rather watch...
A. Videotape of Eagles linemen pushing you to the ground or
B. Jessica Simpson trying on a schoolgirl outfit?

You get the idea.

Joe Namath. Broadway Joe. Drinker. Fur coat-wearer. Pool shooter. Hanging with the honeys right before the Super Bowl. He guaranteed a win and delivered. Namath had his fucking cake and he ate it, too.

Don't begrudge Tony Romo for trying to do the same. That kind of thing has a meaning that undoubtedly exceeds a fistful of championship rings. After all, think about Broadway Joe years later... After success... After retirement. Was he longing for another chance to take the field? Was he regretting the drives that fell short? Was he wishing he could toss one last touchdown pass?

Hell no. He was trying to score with the sideline announcer.


Go Cowboys!

EDIT: From the Just In Time to Piss Me Off Department. Apparently, Simpson is dumb enough to believe the jinx bullshit. She's skipping the Giants/Cowboys game. Dumb, but hot. I hope Tony gets his fill before the game and goes back for plenty more after the win.

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43 comments:

  1. That is fucking awesome. Joe Namath is bombed out of his fucking head. That is the most awesome interview I think I have ever seen in my life, and that includes Christiana Lampour's(sp?) insane look inside the massively fucked up mind of Yasser Arafat.

    Yeah, definitely would fuck Jessica Simpson. If it's not a birthright of an NFL quarterback, it's a hell of a fuckin' perk.

    I would be embarrassed beyond belief if I was a has-been NFL quarterback blitzed out of my fuckin' skull on national television, but to each his own.

    You sure you wouldn't want to cover this stuff for a living, dude? I think sports journalism, outside of serious policy thought, may be your calling.

    Which reminds me. I've got gifts for you when we get a chance.

    Ben

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    Replies
    1. What does America wantJune 17, 2015 at 9:09 AM

      Out of all the candidates running for president, Trump is the most honest, ethical, & has the most courage. I like a lot of the people running. I know a few on a personal level, but Trump is usually right on the money.

      Delete
  2. Pizza now beautiful Simpson (a white lie, nigger) !

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  3. Bushies 'n Onigger-perfect togtherJune 26, 2015 at 10:32 AM

    The attack in France-that was Obama's doing.I would not be surprised if his staff has contributed to this bogus blog. Trump if you are elected president throw Obama's deformed anus behind bars. Then his prancing gay wife can conduct a book tour entitled : "My Life As An Angry Cast-Iron Nigger Dyke". Its the story of a chocolate lezzy who gets a sexual high off the death of murdered little girls.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yea, she get high-off of each and everyone... dig? Just look at her husband- molesting guys' assholes in the White House. Eating what comes out.

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  5. Inside the mind of a negroJune 26, 2015 at 10:48 AM

    They are both on the "same page". Let the truth be told. Its true. All of it. That is why they continue to break the law. Its not just their nature. They're afraid....nigger, nigger on the wall.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I maybe black, but I am nothing like them. South Carolina-that's the Obamas. Her nigger rant- thou protesteth a little too too much. Don't ya, think, deep chocolate phreak?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Obama- a reinvented symbol of black pride-and purple lipsJune 26, 2015 at 10:59 AM

    Obama-you are black. Nothing can change your color. You are black from the top of your little milk dud haid to the souls of your mammoff feet. Your black. Your mind is black. Black, black, black. Sickle-cell and a great sense of African Pride. Embrace your inner nigger. Its yours forever. We even go to a segregated heaven when we all die.

    ReplyDelete
  8. they're still perverts and they're still killers-all of themJune 26, 2015 at 11:02 AM

    Nothing should surprise you anymore, America.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ASS-GATE PRESIDENTS' PANIC-AGAIN (AND AGAIN)June 26, 2015 at 11:14 AM

    I reject my killer-race and I reject this "man" representing me. You can't change your race, Obama and you can't change your status as a serial killer. Including Mr. Bush. Both addicted to power, fame and the millions they make from taking advantage of their jobs as civil servants. Bush es should pay for their own security at this point. The 9/11 Family . Working with terrorists. Everyday Mr Obama's hole continues to get. wider and wider. Pretty soon people will be calling him "Grand Canyon".

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  10. CONSERVATIVE AND PRO-CHOICE 4 POSITIVE CHANGEJune 26, 2015 at 12:09 PM

    I believe you. They have gone to great lengths to silence people. The stalking and harassment alone....many are in disbelief. I have been monitoring this blog for months, now. Again, a massive campaign to bring abortion and sterilisation services right to the world black community is in order. For the good of society and the earth itself.It would be a "mammoff" undertaking, but if we can all come together as one people and have the blacks extinct by the year 2200 AD, it will save the universe.. Trillions upon trillions have been spent. Nothing is changing them. Very few ever make it . Deadly breed. We need to educate the public.The racism directed towards blacks is a reaction to their way of life. The aborted can be used in experiments, collagen products. They're rich and soulful vocals live on as samples in EDM.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Michelle Obama is all manJune 26, 2015 at 1:04 PM

    Mrs. Obama mocking a little girl who was murdered....? What kind of woman would ..now I know.

    ReplyDelete
  12. security risk-negroJune 26, 2015 at 1:08 PM

    Michelle is a homosexual. She is not a regular woman. She is a womyn.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Democratic PartyJune 26, 2015 at 1:27 PM

    Michelle dances for life and the American dream.

    ReplyDelete
  14. No, Michelle dances for watermelon & a bucket of fried chicken. Check out my video from 1986 "I Can't Wait" by "Nushooz". Its my presidential election-theme song. Donald wants the job but so do I ! Co-presidency out of the question.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I sincerely like Hillary but you need an outsider. Trump needs very little fine tuning. He's wealthy, the temptation for corruption would be diminished. He wants to make America better. Obama is about making America WORSE. I think the banana is Obama's.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Canada-open for business esp. if Trump is electedJune 26, 2015 at 2:17 PM

    The comments expressed here are not the opinions of everybody here.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Trump is about success-not corruption. Obama, Bushies, even Hillary (who I like) is corrupt.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anyone is better than Bush or Obama-anyoneJune 29, 2015 at 1:45 PM

    -and to think every Bush appointee to the High Court has made decisions that have ushered in a left-of-center social policy. BRRRR. Bush Empire is The Establishment / New World Order. We all have to adapt to this post-constitutional world. But when they eventually implement the negro reduction act, they need to burn the negro fetuses because of AIDS. African people harbor all kinds of diseases and even have worms in their eyeballs.

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  19. concerned conservatives FOR law enforcementJune 29, 2015 at 2:21 PM

    You did mention they are people. If african culture is deadly like radical islamic culture or even gypsy culture, profiling is as far as you can go in this post-constitutional world. Now the definition of marriage has been expanded. Next comes the mormans. What's after that ? The line keeps moving. You have a president who was elected under the general assumption he and his wife are heterosexual partners. That is not the case. Never assume. I -and thousands of others- have received some disturbing information about Mr. Obama and his wife.

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    1. cinnamon & horsesJune 29, 2015 at 2:53 PM

      President has keloid meat hanging out of his ass! Look, someone needs to find digalog Dave. He won't talk because he's ashamed of being intersex-more than anything else.There's no need to be ashamed. That's the number one thing haunting him. No one can help the way they are born. I don't care what these racists post! Alright, so he's living his life and just wiped his memory clean of everything prior to 2013-like erasing a magnetic cassette tape. Keloid is not a racist term, either. Leave London. Come back to Philly.If you go back home to Quebec I will personally drive you back to Philly in my Rolls. I'm a good-looking Jewish lawyer . An expert in public relations. $top laughing.

      Delete
    2. A. C. class of '81June 29, 2015 at 3:07 PM

      I left all of my information with HVZ. cinnamon& horses comes up because this is monitored. If you are reading this and change your mind-for any reason-contact me. There is really no other way to reach you. You fell off the face of the earth a few years ago and now its starting to sink in. Many many reasons why you are so valuable to so many. Your a wiccan. You like cinnamon, you love horses. You cried when Mr. Ed died back in 1970. Yes, I know your whole platinum life.

      Delete
  20. A>C>class of '81June 29, 2015 at 3:20 PM

    I know, I know...you would get hysterical when Hillary & Bill would do all "niggerish". Hillary dancing like a nige & Bill saying shuck n' jive. You were laughing hysterically. What-don't you remember? You said Hillary was inncredible. You said you wish she were a republican. Well, just close your eyes and tell yourself that.

    ReplyDelete
  21. A.C. class of '81June 29, 2015 at 3:27 PM

    You always liked using Bill n Hillary in your drip art because they seem to speak to you on what's "real" -and that aint no jive ! So real (in fact) that Koona Watkins would drink Justin Timberlake's dirty " baff worda ". Because he sing blak music.

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  22. A>C>class of '81June 29, 2015 at 3:41 PM

    Fact is, there are a lot of good people running for president. Donald Trump is one of them- but so is Hillary. Marco, Ted, Paul , dot-head Bob & that pretty smart Italian chick. There can only be one. We have to be realistic this time around. No time for dreamers who end up killing little white kids in Newtown because he wishes his skin was white. In psychological circles its called "epidermis envy". A lot to concentrate on-and 2 think about. Hope to hear from you.

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  23. A.C. class of '81June 29, 2015 at 3:46 PM

    I know for a fact you can make a difference more than anyone else can. Don't waste it.

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  24. A.C. class of '81June 29, 2015 at 4:21 PM

    Happy Canada Day in London, Dave ! Hope it does not rain on July one. Maybe you can post a picture of yourself with a Canada Day cake or something. Just a wish.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ben's point of viewJune 30, 2015 at 2:35 PM

    I am in a state of gender/human sexuality & mammal confusion. Let me get this straight. Michelle Obama is a man. David Roy Pescatore is a he-she groundhog. Jamie Moyer is Mr. Ed. Barack Obama is a hyper-sexed homosexual monkey. Madonna-Louise is a lesbian ram, goat or sheep, Tom Brady is a beaver, Eli & Peyton are lions...republicans are Mr. Ed democrats are Nu Shooz. Sure this is some sort of master plot to turn people off ? Maybe people won't get off of Davidrxy's back & the bitch is biting. S/he wants out ! With all of the racism and other "isms". Its designed to offend on purpose. Provoke fear? Too eerily familiar. In a way, its just like the ending in the movie "Tootsie" starring Dustin Hoffman. It reminds me of that. A lot like that in its own way.The sad part is I don't believe in America anymore. Never again. The America I thought I knew in '08 is nothing like it is today. The Statue of Liberty is just a staue. The Constitution is just paper. You have people like the Bushes and Mr. Obama who have caused so much damage- its impossible to go back. You have criminals who actually commit crime and get away with it because of who they are. But there is no substantial difference between them-and someone like Gacy. I WANTED TO POST THE ESA/DRPART I SAW AT A GALLERY IN MANHATTAN IN '14-BUT I THINK TOO MUCH OF YOU, DAVID ROY PESCATORE. TO DESCRIBE IT-ITS SLAVA-NORTH AMERICAN-PITTSBURGHESE-ISH. Rick Santorum? Its Ontario-Croatian-North American latin slavic clunky 80's Yugo driving fast into the future & leaving all of us behind in the dust. It does not need to be about misery business & no 2nd chances, it could be independent, pro-Palestinian republican but anti-terror. Your legacy? America's coziness with terrorists to justify Israel. But your not that anti-Israel, either! Whew! Thank you! The world thanx you-as we try & understand...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Have a nice day , Constitution-your days are numberedJuly 2, 2015 at 12:42 PM

    Why obsess over a deformed loser ? Why? She/he whatever it is IS repulsive. Pretty or not. Crazy-mind/obnoxious. NSA Republican racist potty-mouth - everything was given to this person. Seems to me the parents didn't know what to do ! Just get rid of "it" philosophy. Go away - you don't belong to us. In a way, sad. Does not trouble me as much as the link between Newtown, CT. and Newtown, PA. DRP's family bought an out of province vacation home in Newtown (Upper Makefield Township, PA) back in '68. They spent 4 July there every year. Notice London Olympics- some of DRP family members were there. The tribute to NHS was near and dear to a Londonite relative's heart. Review the game ceremonies. The night Obama won the election that same year-he's playing with a young kid-about the age of six. Toy gun "gets" Oprah Winfrey's guy in the photograph (appears in Time) . 14 December - the massacre at Newtown, Connecticut. Victims born in '06. Same names as in the Blend Series books- a relative's wife from Philly. Its not a coincidence. There is no such thing ! No one is doing anything about it, either. In fact, there are deals to be made! Pardon my "Quebecois- English", but what a laugh! You have nothing to celebrate this Independence Day. Nothing. Your flag does not mean anything. You have a few mega-murderers right now running for president. Checks and balances don't work in America and another few more layers of oversight might work. But just look at their court system. Most cases in large black urban centres (such as Philadelphia) are thrown out. Most of the cases involve minorities. So for all the talk about inequality, I think America has been more than fair to its coloured residents ! Mr. Obama is a prime example.

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  27. victims no longer matter, murderers doJuly 2, 2015 at 12:55 PM

    Crossed the line, mob rule. Wake up. Don't worry about the insane artist who looks a lot like Grace and sounds a lot like Stevie. Look at the pathetic, so-called "leaders" driving your country into the sea. Rule of law takes a permanent back seat to more "pressing issues".

    ReplyDelete
  28. femme de Francais en colereJuly 2, 2015 at 1:06 PM

    I may not have a large chest,Mr Sutherland, but when I am mad I am quite clear.

    ReplyDelete
  29. loud and clear in LavalJuly 2, 2015 at 1:55 PM

    Focus on the victims, Ben. Stop romanticising ESA/DRPart. Call IT for what IT is-tragic and sick ! Washington-stop covering up President Obama's crimes. Disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
  30. loud and clear in LavalJuly 2, 2015 at 2:17 PM

    Senator McCain-why don't you do something, sir. What is wrong with you people. Leaders are supposed to lead. Put the murderers where they belong.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Upper Makefield? All those rich people.They call it "Upper Make". Did they ever! Didn't A.I. own a mansion there? Pescatore's had their vacation home overlooking Jericho Mountain. A.I.'s mansion was just beyond Shannon Road. The George Michael development sits across the street from the Pescatore's summer home. The whole area reminds me of the English countryside. They even found old coins from England dating back to the 1600's on their property. Must be nice. But Dave is still a loser. Yea, I heard. I cyber-stalk the character, too.

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  32. Upper Makefield, Solebury, Devil's 1/2 acre, etc. Upscale. I go up there in the fall. Better than New England.

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  33. can understand your frustration about DRP but your open (again)July 3, 2015 at 7:43 AM

    S/HE IS NON-RESPONSIVE ? S/HE'S BEEN NON-RESPONSIVE-FOR 3 YEARS! IS THIS THE ANTI- ANTI WING OF CONFIRM...DENY ? USE AN INTERNET MAGAZINE FOR POSTS? PERSONAL INF.

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  34. Does not care if information from past is posted; Refuses to acknowledge anyone or anything to analyst.

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  35. No cooperation.Working with a blank slate.S/he gets a harassment-free existence. 58960375485490405203-5340869398440593024-magnetic58306053506964000400965096500505905960-546895086934494864938986340636935639556935939538320843253420540504-68438342302532454254535254253545345532453523455435245523455245 454584254545454486663434982938493456744504392725746754836394855823584363463461578435426738452354255742758275825675479697345434563456743876735437583463567358766855eleven's past849568493028529935892537934572935285945649639363463445653767346543567348634456443465346436873464424867569476975672584657787457445778477454754478477456452748572854257768578586779765046785846557744547853735465452346375652257428752364527162816597576495624858859487077648574458576783645234562857823455234523867854745875689758854567143464255428752845423554235854324721782357438574836934835934769348693484585658868684949406834643643574545467346443663465434654765574545773486542351762589786974567146545648347523432574u836759478954867943685927356293853928564936859785947854474236564217524578923922557283457436957865967896809893585497549678594789487945879849

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    1. 457898456789798734463446254432454545454548425154842121878212124564345623nigger'44s information archived457985451218531215430643968958469368923894864306034630284986984396834689389820395049230856435840369340963409065934095302940219305890346904537895407954097504970544587459342385493869386938638494328432857298359436657945068497394838985409684384278457835783354548756454875454875622222325436455466365565766557865785566745566465644574545745454755447457455445547545745454745547554456545465564545745647548595456478568458555235345654454547654855458450477415445544535432544536834674345363216327454878865548664558455448367584345453455434578677785775445453446543468768887876964975648655755446358872578476855474658456689775688667454747455467847754874554745457468687657845456356453453446384776568874567879578679867785744554463448374456453754877545745688756466568765774554664783667448376384643443867644578788787679078649675485567884774545646554787867578955684567847873847683756834657465688756789787675864758774857785758466544552387583476757654461254635175474455754745457438493456655467857786475657748579867945487498958496859746584659765656756656755566757567provided websta5496893944874541545458 homosexuals health data9678958659586659898958923854365663645956483465463653466534668343466563465346656346543666589587698599790898986796895768556
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  37. 145453215656469794536121545154564564515748744465453674554375541655642556554475654855465846457445457534415424213354425684554745658455625681567545645715563444356445346251582675946789086787567684657544556745454564574545744786455415432521235546347intersex male no response5454486456451512484363465435475544745875568956478546455644534654445322182658755342455635784765425176251786587464575454543455457444325800980489508747895047854926735254235455574584546759467885476346754454565445365446554465388795694756804657485648756447354545734234562535748364545745457465875667589776485769488576845674654735463744635454755448865846545687845346685856875686574745435424454t65546745544765846585794857048545678545678455467356442564354534456453165421758456468546585887573141526334438677348614564557445744564363646354535422514325

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  38. 15451584548654456454564548784512121874845121387212324514545645121231848454548456215464564874512132123187896484848548145487484544844545484545645644265475646867589763635657677777758564564854365465547648658475455456474876534463545435467587654754548967intersex male 43644356455447685787654544534425544351786289794657784575544554563434245423554455745684756978067835425535343264345665corporation15464546559804856434465667857666546455667569676835453245intersex characteristics14545454545453455254525452534545complex intersex brain 8454568454567454518745874546748brain5451456454534255443254524354547554478564755446534455542534451345342asexual5485545444365345643465434653455445645645457454564553434455463457865486759468574574545645244535445246554478565987569048504678545564535456545774548774545467552175684758544564153467545458787565814745574638743454546734545774688746759457649568773446453642363463462172745485678787846597785485574654386745547145457846588546517355454235465544856794578058674768897569783446542355163454578745687554677454568645546473432549689436834856438693495843295749685754896349578359486507950478568943569463783465043785785697856875406930495490695407895478685867954634095-2354038679547854705396-93406954078659047895487549703960485946895730598956087549684935890345875408796405970568494357934685049705478590683483569740954-089045685934859063403496709346053495864307954097864-08945068934683409043956403697058795876946934095029090210935894386905894786508960785467834958969345789689340578934567934678596893465789403679345689024375974289385690346793469849385693467863493405679494093479348694369346357482375867934867934064385698346903485945789438695784934689340067893468978693406784939693467934679430679340694397834649567934678934678934068593406794367834679307893678934678934689340568934086934068934067934689340689340673498527383296954uy6575485447535384741435145634451675456364348641734855417251384351354263463463623362

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    1. 90893493920583298592385023608409253094230-5823095032567849386023950329506523058942306879348605497-0854complex intersex brain6439068936839684989369348693867349885938259829058asexual30582305423085603-5403568240693943025682892304intersex30592035820582085023-5320532484543545524554325545643524423423

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