Barack Obama says something true... Predictably, dumb-asses freak out... This, dear readers, is why we're probably doomed...

The whole damned world is going complete apeshit crazy because Barack Obama spat on a few sacred cows during a fund-raiser in San Francisco.

I'm sure you've seen it 1,982 times already, but just in case you're new to this pitiful excuse for controversy, here's what Barry said:

You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them...

And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.

And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

Oh. Fuck. The world is about to end. People are pissed.

Who's going crazy? Let's take a look...

The Dummies of Faith will be in a tizzy. How dare Obama claim that religious fervor tends to increase in times of stress and difficulty! Where does he get off saying something that every social scientist to graduate from every school other than ol' Stephens College (Taylor Marsh's alma mater) has said before? Sweet baby Jesus wearing a miniskirt while drinking Schlitz, who does Barack Obama think he is saying something that makes such complete fucking sense that no one with functioning synapses would dare deny it?

Oh, he pissed off the gun-nuts, too. They're suspending their Charlton Hesston mourning to yap about the way Barry O. just insulted their honor! Who is the Hussein Obama man and why would he argue that insecurity intensifies the desire to maintain gun ownership! Where does this charlatan get off claiming that gun owners are suspicious of a government that fucks them over lubelessly on a regular schedule? Barack Obama, don't even think of believing that unemployment increases crime rates, which inspires gun ownership.

Those who feel uneasy around people whose skin is darker than a standard Mead manilla envelope are angry, too. Barack Obama actually has the gall to say that unemployed blue-collar workers without college degrees might have a tendency to blame immigrants for their woes. That's crazy talk! Who could possibly imagine that poor white guys who've lived in Levittown since Day One and are scrapping for something to replace a lost union job might be a wee bit resentful of the brown dudes with whom they're now competing for lower-paying gigs? That's just ridiculous.

Obama was an idiot for thinking that some people are anti-trade. It's not like the entire Democratic party has been telling them that the 3-M plant and the Dial soap factory shut down because of NAFTA or anything. Why on God's green earth would Obama think that people become reflexively anti-trade after hearing alleged authorities blame the nation's ills on bad trade deals? Silly stuff, huh?

Barack just pissed off the whole USA by saying something that's basically true. It might not be convenient and it certainly doesn't meet our usual standards of ass-kissing vote-pandering, but it certainly isn't untrue.

Was it insulting? I suppose a wildly religious person who hated Mexicans, despised NAFTA and believed in black helicopters for reasons unrelated to economic decline might be a bit upset. Otherwise, I don't really see the insult.

Apparently, though, a lot of people seem to think those statements are Obama's way of pissing from the jet on the heads of those who populate flyover country.

John Brown knows flyover country. I'm in Kansas. And let me tell you a secret. That shit Obama is saying about small-towners and their weirdness? It's true. Shhhhh.... I don't want my neighbor to bash my head in with his die-cast NASCAR stock car replicas tonight, but it's true.

It's not true about everyone and it isn't always that simple. It is, however, pretty damn accurate. Which is probably why it's going to hurt some feelings and cause some backlash amongst the dumb-asses who refuse to recognize their craziness and who, frankly, are accidentally dragging the country down with every stupid step they take.

For those with reading comprehension problems (and I know you're out there), please not the following:

Barry O. didn't say that every gun owner was a nutjob motivated by irrational fear or a person who perceives oppression based on hideous economic conditions who is looking to assert some sort of control over his/her life in the midst of chaos via strident pro-gun thinking. Those folks are out there, but I don't see Obama claiming that every firearm owner is a psycho.

Obama didn't say that everyone who prays to the little baby Jesus is merely taking a hit from a hookah filled with the opiate of the poor. He's just noting the reality that certain kinds of religious intolerance tend to be ratcheted up when people have to eat hot dogs and ramen noodles while discussing the collection letters they just grabbed from the mailbox night after night. He's not saying that my great aunt the nun was a byproduct of poverty or that she joined the convent because she feared for her long-term economic well-being.

Obama isn't saying that every poor white person goes bigot. He is merely recognizing that xenophobia, bigotry and discriminatory acts tend to increase when the economy is in the shitter. That's not ground-breaking and it isn't insulting.

None of this matters, though. The world is pissed off. He didn't just touch the third rail, he did so while wearing a suit made of copper wiring.

The people who smell a little bit of the ugly truth cooking in their own kitchens will get disproportionately defensive. Those who are more interested in winning votes than being honest will mock outrage. The least bright among us will believe the nonsense the TV talking heads chant as they try to make this into Something Big. It's predictable. It's pathetic. That's why we're probably doomed in the long run.

We live in a world populated by so many idiots and assholes that something true will become something ugly. Somehow, this will become proof of a Racist Obama. It will be evidence of a Godless Obama. It will be offered as an indicator that Obama spends too much time at Starbucks being effete. And some people will believe it.

And you wonder why we have such a hard time getting anything done around here.

Sometimes, the problem with Barack Obama is that he overestimates the intelligence of his secondary audience. I think he knows how cynically cruel some can be and recognizes that things will be spun ugly. He just thinks we, as a nation, will see through it. He occasionally says something so easily misinterpreted because he assumes that people will listen and interpret rationally. He really believes that enough people out there can connect the dots appropriately.

I'd like to think he's right. At moments like this, though, I have my doubts.






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I liked Bill Clinton... Then I grew up... On selling out and lying as politics as usual...

Once upon a time, I thought highly of Bill Clinton. Sure, I had a few reservations about him. Overall, though, I liked the guy. Then I grew up.

It was easy to look past Bill's more highly-publicized shortcomings. He screwed around. He lied about it. I never felt his carnal urges had much of a bearing on his ability to lead the country. I could put myself in his shoes and imagine myself fibbing under oath and parsing definitions of "sexual relations" to stay out of bigger trouble. The guy bullshitted everyone about Monica and is other assignations but, even as a non-cheater, I could let it slide.

I also looked past his tendency toward triangulation and his willingness to play political hardball in pursuit of his objectives. The means were often stinky, but I often agreed with the desired ends. Even when I disagreed with him on the nuts and bolts of policy, I was willing to accept his techniques because I understood that's "how the game is played".

I even developed a kind of respect for Bill Clinton. I was impressed with the way he could weather controversy. I was astonished by his ability to charm his way out of situations that would doom most politicians.

I think I also liked Bill because the people who were "out to get him" were usually people with whom I disagreed on issues. I, like others, sort of rallied behind Clinton because I despised his foes. Those asshats were more evil and conniving than Bill, but they weren't as good at the game. And, in my estimation, they were on the wrong side.

I liked Bill Clinton. Then I grew up.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that the means were just as important--if not more important--than the ends. I lost my appetite for the fruits of the diseased tree. Winning is important, but the way one wins is just as significant.

I began to understand that the political climate that has produced our current pandering, dishonest, secretive and power-driven government exists because ideas like right, wrong, truth, cooperation and intellectual honesty are secondary to finding a way to "win". Bill Clinton was one of the best players of The Game of the Damned. He wasn't any different than the scumbags who tossed honesty overboard to go after him. He was just better at playing the game.

And that was enough for me, once upon a time. I felt compelled to choose between the jerks on my side and the jerks on the other. I made that choice. Luckily, the big enchilada among my jerks was very talented.

The problem? No one should make that choice. We shouldn't be limited to choosing between two camps of dummies. We shouldn't accept lying and sleaze as an inevitable part of our politics. We should aspire for something better. We should support the idea of government that serves our interests honestly. We must stop compromising the integrity of means in hopes of getting a desired end. If we don't, we end up with more of the same shit none of us really like in the first place.

After all, what did Bill Clinton really give America? Now that time has passed and we can assess his legacy with a little more clarity, what can we say about Bill? The Clinton years were better than the Bush years. That's a given with me. Fine. But what about the bigger picture? We have a fractured politics that continues to center itself on silly and intellectually bankrupt left/right battles that are primarily show biz designed to score votes and backers from relatively discrete small demographic groups. We have a continuing tradition of shitting on honesty and truth in pursuit of desired ends. We have a government people don't trust. Those policy initiatives? Some failed. Some worked. Many are dismantled. Some are now irrelevant as the world changes.

So many of us sold out our decency and integrity because we wanted Bill to get his policies in place. They didn't fundamentally change or better America. They weren't worth the price. We carry the baggage of individual shame for smiling at James Carville because he was on our side when Bill was on the ropes. We tote the guilt of playing a dirty game just because we wanted to win. And all it really did was to enable more of the same from the folks with whom we disagreed.

We dumped more sewage in our front yards in hopes of keeping the heating bills low inside. It was a shitty trade, really, because it merely continued a despicable cycle.

I was down with Bill. Then I grew up.

They say that idealism is just for kids. I don't think so. I think it's valuable. I also believe, that in the long run, it's the only thing that makes sense.

We know what happens when we continue to dabble in corruption and when we embrace assholes in pursuit of temporary goals. It taints us and it locks us into an endless cycle of twisted deals, cheap shots, lies and disgusting abandonment of principles. It locks those with whom we disagree into the same pattern.

Kids may be idealistic, but that's not because they're stupid. It's because they haven't yet sold themselves out for the sake of convenience. Idealism is what you have before you decide to compromise your integrity. It's what you can get when you decide not to play along with the bullshit.

Today, I saw Bill Clinton on television. He was talking about Hillary's tall tale about her visit to Bosnia. He's older now, but he still has some charm. He still turns on that "aw shucks" voice and spins nonsense with great dexterity.

He said Hillary's lies about her visit to Tuzla weren't a big issue. She didn't "rob a bank". She was brave to go--the first First Lady to land in a combat zone since Eleanor Roosevelt. She was just tired and pushing 60 when she told that story. Cut her some slack. It was something that happened one time, late at night, and she apologized for the error right away. No big deal, people. Nothing to see here. Move along. It wasn't a fish story, it was just a sleepy-time goof.

It was vintage Bill Clinton. He was covering up one exaggeration with another lie. He did it with a smile and personality. That stuff used to work for me. Oh, I saw through it, but I accepted it. I didn't want my guy going down and I was cool with him playing fast and loose with the truth to avoid the consequences of his mistakes. That was before I grew up.

Today, I saw Bill a little differently. I saw a guy who is so accustomed to playing in the gutter that he's unwilling to attempt honesty--even with respect to a fairly trivial issue. That's bad enough. What makes it even worse is that Bill knows he's full of shit. He's a smart guy. He's not lying out of habit or stupidity. He's lying because he's learned just how well it works. A little charm, a little mockery, a bit of self-deprecation. Toss it on top of some bullshit and the folks will swallow it. They always do. Those who know better will still play along, because they like Bill. It's simple.

It used to work for me. Until I grew up.

Hillary didn't "misspeak" once about Bosnia. She told the tall tale on multiple occasions. She didn't just repeat the lie late at night during fits of exhaustion. She wasn't having a "senior moment". She was trying to spin a goodwill mission to Bosnia as evidence of Commander in Chief qualifications and she had to lie to do it. Why not? It always works. Just ask Bill. Go back and watch the tapes of her telling the Tuzla Tale. Her body language is a little different. Her voice has a different tone. She's channeling Bill and all of the other bullshit artists who've polluted our politics.

Hillary wasn't the first First Lady to put boots on the ground in a danger zone. Pat Nixon went to Saigon. Hillary didn't immediately apologize for the lie. She never apologized. She said she misspoke. That's it. She lied because the value of honesty, in her estimation, was less than the potential political value of telling the lie. She didn't misspeak. She miscalculated.

And Bill is out there campaigning in the midwest, trying to cover the lie with enough crap to bury it forever. It used to work. He's done it before. This time, though, it's not working. I've grown up. I wish he would, too, because he's a smart guy who could accomplish so much more if he'd step out of the cesspool for a few minutes. He could be valuable. That's not what I'm seeing, though.

I don't see a good guy trying to get good things done who is just playing the game with skill. I see the symptoms of the disease that's disabling our government. I'm seeing the single-minded pursuit of one crew's ends with absolutely no consideration for the ends involved in getting there. It's the sell-out again and I'm not letting it slide anymore just because I liked Bill Clinton.

I grew up.

The good news? It seems like others are growing up a little, too. Perhaps 8 years of watching an amateur bullshit artist try to ply the same trade has convinced us that it's time for something a little less grotesque. Maybe Bill's just losing a step as he ages. Maybe we've seen Hillary, a horrible liar if there's ever been one, butcher the art of crap-slinging so much that we're better able to recognize it. Maybe we're just tired of watching this game played out year after year with nothing to show for it but good zinger soundbites and a few scars.

I don't know, but I do know that it doesn't seem to be working the way it used to. It almost seems anachronistic. I'm hoping we're all burned out on it. I'm just hoping the end is approaching for this kind of crap.

We don't have to hold hands and sing together. We don't have to agree about everything. We aren't even required to be nice to one another. We should, however, have enough courage to confront issues honestly and to debate them with some semblance of intellectual integrity. We should 'fess up to our lies and exaggerations instead of compounding the dishonesty with more of the same. That goes for all of us. I'm not just picking on Bill here.

I've been reading reactions to Bill's comments on The Tall Tale of Tuzla and it appears as though most people--on both sides of the so-called spectrum--aren't buying what Clinton was selling. That's a good sign, I think.





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Hillary Clinton is a Monster.... Again... She's a delegate poaching, anti-democratic liar, too... Why people don't like Clinton...

Hillary fans get pissed off about all the people who spend their days, like yours truly, hating on The Monster. Why, oh why are we so unfair to Hillary? Why can't we give credit where it is due? Why must we always attack her?

Here's why: She can't go more than 3 days without doing something that shocks the conscience while turning the stomach. The Monster strikes frequently.

Latest example? Pledged delegates.

Officially, no delegate is really "pledged" to a candidate in any contractual sense. Delegates are generally chosen, in large measure, on their loyalty to a candidate. They are, however, free to act on their conscience.

Thus, if you were a pledged delegate for Hillary Clinton, you would be free to change your allegiance in Denver after the drugs wore off and you realized she was an evil beast. Likewise, you could switch from Obama to Hillary, if you were so inclined.

Fine. It's always been that way. It never really happens that way, though. When the convention prom starts, delegates almost universally line up to dance with the folks who "brung 'em there". Very few exceptions.

There's also a longstanding etiquette thing at play. Candidates just don't go delegate poaching. It's considered bad form. Not only is it a rude and obnoxious display of poor sportsmanship (which isn't particularly Presidential behavior). It's also pretty undemocratic when you think about it.

You see, people (regular folks like you and John Brown) caucus or vote. Our preferences are distilled in the form of delegates who are responsible for expressing them at the convention. If our little chunk of the USA is in love with Candidate A, our delegates really should be backing Candidate A, too. If the delegate says, "fuck ya'll" and aligns with Candidate B. Well, hmmm... That would be like... It would be like... Oh, yeah, it would be like our votes didn't count.

In a non-technical sense, rogue delegates would disenfranchise regular Joe voters. They wouldn't represent the will of the people and they would make a complete mockery out of the primary and caucus processes. All of those elections, all of those votes, all of those nights spent listening to Wolf Blitzer talk about early returns from rural counties in random states, all of the yard signs, all of the robo-calls and everything else would would be meaningless.

Delegate poaching is anti-democratic. Yes, it's true that the delegates aren't required to back the people's candidate. That fact is both a safety hatch in the event of something really weird happening and a byproduct of an old and somewhat outmoded system. It is not an excuse to intentionally sabotage democracy.

But The Monster sees it differently. Now.

Once upon a time, she agreed with logic and reason. She even went on record regarding the notion of delegate poaching. She was clear in her stance. Hillary Clinton was adamant. Hillary Clinton wasn't going after pledged delegates and she wasn't going to do it in the future. If anything, The Monster was worried that Barack Obama might make a play in the forbidden zone. Read Hillary Clinton's own words about delegate thievery:

We have not, are not and will not pursue the pledged delegates of Barack Obama. It's now time for the Obama campaign to be clear about their intentions.

That was a reasonable thing to say. It makes sense. You don't go stealing the other candidate's delegates. Hoo-ray for Hillary! Glad she said something reasonable.

The statement was also completely consistent with her arguments about Florida and Michigan. Florida and Michigan, you'll remember, violated DNC rules and held early primaries. Hillary won them, but everyone knew they didn't count (including her). In Michigan, hers was the only name on the ballot.

Hillary, however, wants to make sure the fine Americans in Florida and Michigan do count. She wants every vote to count. She doesn't want to see people disenfranchised. It's an election, not a coronation and it's downright awful to think that people's voices might not be heard. That's what Hillary says. And it's wholly consistent with taking a stance against delegate poaching.

It's also consistent with her prolonged campaign in the face of impossible odds. She says she continues to run because people should have choices. They should be given an opportunity to vote. They should be able to make a difference and to express their will. That sounds very democratic and it's very consistent with her previously-expressed stance on pledged delegates.

The Monster now has a different plan. She was just in North Dakota, you know. Why? They did their caucus a few months ago. What would lead Hillmonster to the Flickertail State?

Well, she was there making a pitch for delegates. Barack Obama's delegates. Pledged delegates.

Hillary Clinton was out poaching.

Take a second to re-read Hillary's previous stance on stealing delegates. The one I quoted earlier. You know, where she said she wasn't doing that and wasn't going to do it. Guess what?

She's a fucking liar.

Again. While ducking fire from snipers, Hillary Clinton said the following, per ABC News:

Clinton made it clear to North Dakota Democrats last night that she believes there is no such thing as a pledged delegate and highlighted that stubborn streak in her appeal for delegates to switch from Obama to her when the Democratic national party holds its nominating convention this August.

"I am here tonight because I am seeking your support," Clinton said, adding that she never gives up.

"I know what it's like to stumble. I know what it means to get knocked down. But I've never stayed down. I never will and neither will America if we get ready to win this election in November," she said.

My initial response? A hearty "fuck you". My second? "You're a liar". My third? "And a hypocrite".

Hillary Clinton wants every vote to count in Florida and Michigan. She wants every vote to mean something in every remaining state. She recoils at the idea of disenfranchisement. My ass. She's a liar.

Because right now, as you read this, The Monster is plotting to disenfranchise YOU. And ME. And the people of North Dakota and everywhere else where votes were made and delegates chosen. She wants delegates, whose sole purpose is to represent the will of their districts, to stab voters in their backs. She wants them to switch to Hillary.

She doesn't want them to do that because it's democratic. Or fair. Or decent. She wants to do it because she can and because she wants to win. By whatever means necessary. She's Rocky Balboa, but with loaded gloves. She's the UND hockey team, but with a paid off ref. She's a fighter, but her strategy is all head butts and groin kicks. The Monster is a liar and she doesn't give one-third of a rat's ass if anything she does to get to Pennsylvania Avenue is right, honest, decent or democratic.

And that, Hillary fans, is why people hate Hillary Clinton.

It isn't her gender. It isn't media bias. It isn't her husband. It isn't ________. The reason so many people dislike Hillary Clinton so much is that she really is a Monster.

Please, oh please, Hillary Clinton supporters, defend this bullshit. I need an explanation.

How do you go from "I won't do that" to "I'm doing that". How do you intentionally try to render millions of votes meaningless while simultaneously bitching and moaning about others being disenfranchised because they didn't play by party rules? How can you argue that every vote must count while trying your damnedest to render the votes you didn't like meaningless?

Her campaign is diseased. She won't win. The Monsters never win. They just cause mayhem and spill blood indiscriminately until they lose. So it is with Hillary Clinton, monster.






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Monster Hillary Clinton hypocrisy... Tax returns show a monstrous disregard for consistency...

Hillary Clinton, monster? That's up for debate. Here's a certainty, though.
She is a Hypocrite with an intentionally capitalized H.

TOP SECRET

With the exception of Bill Clinton back in '92 (if I remember correctly), every serious presidential candidate has ponied up his (or, in the case of this year, her) income tax filings.
Barack Obama put his out there months ago. Hillary Clinton has not.

She won't show all of those hardworking folks who are worried about their kids' safe slumber while Hillary works the night shift answering phones at all hours of the night how much money she and Bill made.

We're not just talking about last year, either. She's mum on everything for the last seven or eight years. It's been top secret shit. Either that, or she needs to find an accountant to help the one who managed to work with her on that $5 million dollar campaign loan. Maybe she lost them. Regardless of the reason, she's been stonewalling on her returns for a long time now.

Gay Species put it thusly:

She can answer the telephone at 3 a.m. in a string of pearls, but she cannot operate a photocopy machine? Xerox must be a "monster" that Hillary cannot handle.

Finally, one of her crew has decided that Ms. Solutions will make the info public "around" April 15. That's conveniently after Ohio/Texas Tuesday, but potentially before Pennsylvania. Potentially, I say, because Terry McAuliffe did say "around". Who the hell knows how close one has to get to qualify for "around" status?

THE LIKELY TRUTH ABOUT THE RETURNS

Here's the crazy thing, it probably doesn't matter all that much in the bigger picture. I doubt we're going to learn anything too wild and crazy about the Clintons that we don't already know. Whatever lurks within those income tax statements is unlikely to change anyone's opinions about the monster. Did I just say "monster"? Whoops, I meant Hillary.

Personally, I don't really give all that big of a hoot about the contents of the tax returns. I can also understand why Hillary has probably been reluctant to release them.

They make a lot of money and some of it undoubtedly comes from people that Democrats don't really love. We know that already, but the release party for the returns will undoubtedly result in about 98,982 news stories about Clinton money.

It will also cause millions of "regular folk", the "real Americans" to whom Clinton is targeting her campaign to say, "Holy fuck, these people make ALOT of money. How many god-damned zeroes is that on the end of that number?"

The filing statements she's compelled to provide as a Senator and another statement released as part of the presidential candidacy process gives us a ballpark assessment of the Clinton family fortune. Nonetheless, it will all be treated like NEW news when she turns over the returns.

She still has an ass-load of Wal-Mart stock? Wow, I wonder how those union people will respond to that when they hear about it ad nauseum.

She has BP and Amoco stock? Wasn't she the one who talked about sticking it to big oil? That will be contentious, too.

All of those individual investments, along with money Bill's been making in and from countries who aren't on most Americans' list of favorites (you know, like China, Saudi Arabia, and Ihateamericaland) can only result in negative press for Hillary's campaign.

Some of the criticism will be fair. Much of it will be stupid. I'm guessing none of it will be that important, in the big picture.

So, I can understand why Hillary doesn't want to open up the books for us. I get it. I don't blame here.

WHY IT STILL MATTERS

Even though I think Hillary Clinton is a symptom of a cancer that is slowly killing almost everything good about liberal democracy, I doubt she has anything BIG to hide in those returns. So, why should she subject herself to scrutiny and the inevitable negative attention by releasing the documents so that assholes like me can read them and beat up on her?

Here are a few good reasons...

1. Obama. He released his early and he's been arguing that one of the big problems in America is a lack of transparency in government. Every day Hillary spends hiding her returns merely increases the persuasiveness of his candidacy.

2. Assumption. I'm a reasonable guy. I don't think Hillary's tax returns include massive payouts from the KKK or a write off for a donation to the Suicide Bomber Family Remuneration Fund. Other people, however, aren't so generous. The longer she sits on the documents, the more traction the psychos get on their "she MUST be hiding something" argument. It looks suspicious.

3. Example. I think it's probably a good thing for people to know who's buttering whose bread. That's why this whole "releasing your tax returns" thing has caught on over the years. The governed deserve to know who's paying the governing. Stunts like Hillary's record hiding are a poor precedent. It can be used by those who truly are nefarious to avoid scrutiny in the future.

The advantages of these three reasons SHOULD be enough to neutralize the negative press stories that will follow the release for a few days. Unless she does have something to hide, I suppose. Plus, it would just generally be a good thing to do.

You know who else used to argue that releasing tax records was a good thing to do? A senate candidate named Hillary Clinton. That brings us to the fourth reason she should release the returns ASAP.

4. Hypocrisy. If she doesn't hand over the goods, she's a complete hypocrite of the worst kind.

WHY THE CLINTON STALL IS ANOTHER PUTRID ACT OF HYPOCRISY

Before Hillary started her run for POTUS, she had to beat a Republican to win a NY senate seat. Remember Rick Lazio? That's the guy Hillary beat.

One of her arguments during the campaign was that Lazio was being a prick for NOT RELEASING HIS TAX RETURNS.

No, really. The same woman who is holding her documents close to the chest jumped Lazio's shit big-time for the very same offense. Sherman, set the wayback machine for the year 2000. Clinton vs. Lazio.

If you showed up for a Lazio campaign event back then, you might run into Tax Man. Tax Man was a Clinton campaign staffer, dressed up like Uncle Sam. He was sent to Lazio events to draw attention to the fact that the Republican candidate was keeping his tax records a secret. That's right, Clinton's campaign actually disrupted an opponent's events with a dude in a fucking costume holding a sign and actually YELLING at Lazio to hand over the IRS forms!

She said that Lazio's failure to engage in full disclosure was "disturbing". Her words.

She once had one of her campaign staff show up at a Lazio function to demand, in person, the release of his tax returns. You see, Hillary was FULLY CONVINCED that candidates should provide voters with this valuable information and was so pissed off at Lazio's refusal to abide by that unspoken rule of good conduct that she dispatched one of her henchmen to emphasize the IMPORTANCE OF RELEASING TAX INFORMATION.

She sent none other than her current communication czar, Howard Wolfson. Wolfson showed up to bug Lazio.

Howard Wolfson? Tax returns? Why does that ring a bell. Oh, I know why... Because of YESTERDAY...

Howard Wolfson, Clinton's guy, was on TV talking about tax returns yesterday. Barack Obama said that Hillary should release her tax records. Obama didn't have a guy dressed in a costume yelling at her or anything, but he did indicate that people might want to take a peek at her 1040. Howard Wolfson handled the official campaign response.

Wolfson's response: "I for one do not believe that imitating Ken Starr is the way to win a Democratic primary election for president".

Obama asked about Clinton's tax returns and gets compared to Ken Starr. What the fuck does that make Hillary circa 2000, Howie? What's worse than Ken Starr? Maybe a monster?

It seems really weird that Hillary Clinton would pretend like 2000 didn't exist when she's simultaneously reminding us of her 35 years of public life every 20 seconds. But that's Hillary for you. I like this little summation from NewsDay:

Principled people would reason as follows: "Since we made a huge fuss about Lazio's returns in 2000, to be consistent we should be very diligent about being just as transparent as Obama and releasing our own returns this year. Otherwise, we would be behaving like hypocrites."

But that's not what they're doing. So the reasoning is apparently this: "We acted like Lazio's tax returns were a big deal in 2000 because it was in our self-interest to do so, and this year we'll act like our returns aren't a big deal because it's in our self interest to do so. We don't act on principle, and we don't care about being consistent, and we don't care about being hypocritical."

Hillary Clinton replaces principle with convenience. Hypocrisy substitutes for consistency. It's okay to beat the shit out of your enemy for keeping his returns under wraps, but when someone asks you about YOUR returns, it's perfectly reasonable to smear him all to hell? Wow.

Bill in Exile asks:

"So why was it "frankly disturbing" that Lazio refused to release one years worth of tax returns but when HRC refuses to release six years worth, not so much?"

Good question.

Here's the answer:

Hillary isn't about intellectual honesty, fair play, quality debate, answering the phones at 3 a.m. or doing what's best for the hardworking people of the USA. She's a fighter, but she's fighting for herself. Period.

You can call it anything you'd like. I call it being a monster.

I'd love to see one of the pro-Hillary geniuses who vomit forth praise for The Monster explain to me why this income tax thing is anything short of pure political hypocrisy. Maybe one of the rocket scientist Hillary lovers from Taylor Marsh can explain this whole thing to me. Nah, they're all over Rezko and Power calling Hillary a monster, having forgotten all about Whitewater and ignoring the accuracy of Samantha's comments in the process.

Someone, please... Tell me why it's all good for Howie Wolfson to bug Rick Lazio over tax returns when a comment from Barack transforms him into Kenny Starr?

Answers?

Apparently, enough heat has been applied to the ass of Senator Clinton that she will reveal her tax documents around April 15. I wouldn't hold my breath.

The horrible irony in all of this is that she's gone out of her way to be a sack of crap on an issue that really isn't THAT big of a deal. Why be a monster hypocrite and a slimeballer on something that is, in the big picture, relatively trivial? Why create character mountains out of personality molehills? The only thing I can come up with involves things like narcissism, self-centeredness and an inability to see or do anything that can't be gnarled and twisted into a bullshit hit and run political point.

Monster.





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John McCain + John Hagee = Bullshit... Why John McCain made me sick...

Just when I start to feel a little hopeful about the future, jackasses screw the whole thing up.

Witness John Hagee's endorsement of John McCain. Look, I was giving McCain a lot of slack. I even had moments of Obama-doubting in which I toyed with the idea of voting for Mr. Straight Talk on the basis of some pretty significant foreign policy considerations. Not anymore.

He's a piece of shit, straight up.

I'm not going to play compare and contrast with Hagee/McCain and Farrakhan/Obama. Anyone smart enough to read this post is smart enough to figure out why the two episodes are different and how each candidate responded in different ways. Besides, this post isn't a defense of Obama's approach to the Farrakhan issue. It's a direct response to John McCain's behavior.

Here are a few indisputable truths...

ONE: John Hagee is a complete asshole and a walking Evangelical freakshow that should creep out everyone with 1/4 of a functioning brain.

Yeah, I guess the anti-Catholic thing bugged me a little bit. I'd hate to think that my wonderful late great-aunt was servicing the Whore of Babylon during all her years as a nun. I'm not quite willing to believe that my grandparents and their parents were doing Hitler's bidding, either.

Honestly, though, that kind of Pope-hating is the LEAST of my problems with Hagee. It's weird. It's over the top. It's undoubtedly unnecessarily offensive to millions of decent folk (whose theology, by the way, I don't adhere to), but my position on Hagee goes past the Bill Donahue argument. Which reminds me... This is the first time I've ever agreed with Bill Donahue that I can remember. Sign of the pending apocolypse?

Speaking of the apocolypse, Pastor Hagee's unwavering support of Israel--which appears to be one of the primary reasons so many politicos love his fat ass--isn't like some sort of pro-Jew thing. Oh no. To the contrary. Hagee is in that Coulter camp that believes Jews fall a little short of heaven's standards, if you know what I mean. Hagee is pro-Israel because a unified Israel is a precondition to the rapture.

The rapture? You know, that notion that God is gonna swoop up all the good people and leave the rest of us behind to fend for ourselves through some predetermined period of shittiness. That rapture. It's all part of the apocolypse that features Russians backing Islamic states in a war against a unified Israel after someone nukes Iran.

By the way, I am SERIOUS. Hagee preaches this crap. He wants to nuke Israel to usher in the apocolypse and the ensuing rapture, which apparently features Jesus Christ showing up on a white horse somewhere. No, really. I am SERIOUS. He's not pro-Israel, he just wants the unified Israel ingredient in his end times recipe ready.

Hagee also thinks that God gave us Hurricane Katrina as a punishment. A punishment for what? Depends on when you ask him. He's said that it had something to do with our policy in the middle east (if you aren't going all-out pro-Israel, the big guy will hand down an ass-kicking). He's also said that it was sent to beat the shit out of New Orleans because of all the sin there.

I've been to New Orleans. On my last trip, there was sin a-plenty. I had an awesome stripper volunteer to whip me in a VIP room with a piece of rawhide that would've done Rowdy Yates proud. I saw underaged drinking teen girls flashing boobs for beads, which gave me an understanding of how the Europeans were able to let go of morality to buy Manhattan for a few trinkets.

I took a piss next to a dude who was wearing a skirt and heels while I sucked nitrous oxide out of a balloon I purchased from a one-armed street urchin wearing a tattered old NWA t-shirt. New Orleans had some sin. Agreed.

But I don't think God got so pissed off at the eaters of king cake that he decided to obliterate them with a hurricane. I know this sounds crazy, but I think it might have had something to do with weather patterns and meteorological stuff. You know, science. Hey, it's not en vogue with Hagee's crowd, but science sometimes does explain stuff. Like hurricanes. Or, I suppose Jesus got really upset about an upcoming gay pride parade and decided to wallop the gulf coast. You tell me which sounds more reasonable? Hagee votes gay pride = hurricane. You?

Hagee also thinks that every Muslim (yes EVERY Muslim) is under order from the Koran to kill infidels like me. Every last one. Intense.

There's this Roger Waters solo album, The Pros and Cons of Hitchiking. The narrator has this horrible dream in which he awakes to find "Arabs with knives at the foot of the bed". This is Hagee's world. Those Islamic dudes are hellbent on killing everyone else.

I know what you're thinking... "Well, that seems silly. History and even every day life teaches me that not all Muslims are committed to killing everyone who doesn't buy into the Allah thing." Well, buddy, your logic and ability to draw inferences from empirical evidence has no place here. The guy who's all simpatico with Jesus says it's true. Hey, you might want to get busy nuking Iran and getting the Good Lord back here pronto.

Otherwise, Cat Stevens is gonna pop out of your bedroom closet at 3:00 a.m. and behead you with a Tea for the Tillerman LP. You won't have time to call Hillary or anyone else before your whole family is jihad-ded. Decapitation by sensitive 70s pop is part of Mohammed's evil plan. Just ask John Hagee. Even if he won't confirm the scriptural accuracy of that scenario, he won't deny its possibility.

There are many other reasons to put the Hagee file in the asshole cabinet, but I'm gonna stop here. I think that's enough for now. Anyone who wants to stick up for this bozo should be aware, however, that these observations are the tip of a very big iceberg. To repeat, John Hagee is a complete asshole.

TWO: John McCain sought out and then expressed his appreciation for the support of the giant dickwad known as John Hagee.

This was not one of those "accidental endorsement" things. McCain pursued the Hagee thumbs-up. John McCain apparently felt as though he needed to shore up support among those right-wing evangelical types and figured a vote of confidence from Pastor Hagee was just what the doctor ordered. After all, Hagee is a big hit on TV (well, at least in the realm of tele-preachers, although I think re-runs of Flo's Yellow Rose still pull in better Nielsen numbers) and he heads a big ol' church that has damn near 20,000 members.

With everyone on the right pissed off at the McCain asendency, he needed to secure a little street cred with the so-called base. He got it from Hagee. And he took it. In person. Smiling. Thankful.

Oh, yes. He actually took the endorsement while staring a stage with the goon. McCain stood by the preacher man, nodding along with his jibber-jabber and then expressing his appreciation for the endorsement. He was honored. He was proud. He was downright fucking giddy that this giant supreme asshole endorsed him. And don't even think he didn't know what kind of asswipe Hagee was. All it takes is Google and about 20 seconds to figure that out.

THREE: It's hard to resist another Straight Talk Express joke when you consider this thing carefully...

The Straight Talk Express ran into a ditch, lost its wheels, had a faulty GPS system, was recalled by the manufacturer, was a lemon, was part of a DUI incident, wrecked, derailed, etc., etc. etc. Take your pick.

No matter how you slice it, McCain sold out like a cheap fucking whore in order to get some creepy evangelical mojo from Pastor John Hagee.

McCain used to have the guts to look at these religious freakshows and call bullshit. He called out GW Bush for going to Bob Jones University because the school was anti-Catholic and racist. Now, he's buddy-buddy with the dipstick who thinks the Catholic church is a tool of the anti-Christ and who makes slavery into a joke at church-sponsored events.

Once upon a time, John McCain said:


"I recognize and celebrate that our country is founded upon Judeo-Christian values. And I have pledged my life to defend America and all her values, the values that have made us the noblest experiment in history. But political intolerance by any political party is neither a Judeo-Christian nor an American value.

The political tactics of division and slander are not our values. They are corrupting influences on religion and politics and those who practice them in the name of religion or in the name of the Republican Party or in the name of America shame our faith, our party and our country.

Neither party should be defined by pandering to the outer reaches of American politics and the agents of intolerance whether they be Louis Farrakhan or Al Sharpton on the left, or Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell on the right."

Now he's pandering to a guy who makes Pat Robertson look sane. I don't know if you've ever listened to or watched Pat Robertson. It's hard to make him look sane. John Hagee, however, makes Robertson look like a fucking well-adjusted Rhodes scholar of some sort. McCain used to have the guts to call these guys out for what they are--assholes--now he's crawling around with his mouth open like Jessica Hahn during a late night work session with Jim Bakker.

John McCain once argued:

"We are the party of Ronald Reagan not Pat Robertson. We are the party of Theodore Roosevelt not the party of special interests. We are the party of Abraham Lincoln not Bob Jones. Join us. Join us."

Straight talk, my ass.

Let's call this whole thing with Hagee exactly what it is: it's pandering to get votes. It's about putting an opportunity for victory above and beyond principle. It's about making deals with the devil (couldn't resist) in order to get a shot at the top job. It's about whoring yourself, tarnishing your reputation, skull-fucking the severed head of your personal credibility and turning yourself into a weak liar who smells worse than the standard-issue diseased sycophantic politician.

When you stake your popularity and your believability in your penchant for honesty and straight talk, it's a wee bit disturbing to sell out to a guy who stands in direct contrast to your expressed beliefs.

It's sad, John McCain. Really sad. You went out there and worked to get this douchebag's support so you could shore up your support among (what I hope to be) fringe republicans. I wasn't even rooting for you and I'm depressed.

FOUR: Half-assed retreats don't play well...

After people started noticing and commenting on the fact that John Hagee is a freak that would make Barnum's mouth water, McCain shuffled a little bit.

He didn't repudiate, reject, denounce, renounce or otherwise wave off the Hagee endorsement. Nah, he just said that he didn't necessarily agree with everything Hagee preached and that he couldn't be expected to line up with every supporter from top to bottom on every issue.

That's true, in a way. Hey, I'm supporting Obama and I doubt that means he wants to support some of my more controversial beliefs (Although my Mexican stripper plan would kick ass. Barack, call me.) I get that.

However, there are limits to that argument. You cannot buy a bag of shit with the stink removed, people. It comes with the deal.

After that Bill Cunningham goofus went all Barack HUSSEIN Obama on a McCain rally crowd, McCain huddled the press and distanced himself from the prick. Good move. The guy is a complete ass-hat, after all. At the time, I was really cool with McCain. I was excited to have a stand-up and decent guy running for President, even if he wasn't MY guy. I respected him and his willingness to do that.

There were people who claimed it was bullshit. They said McCain put Cinci Willy out there on purpose to get folks rallied and to give a wink of recognition to the far-right crowd, planting some anti-Obama seed in the process. He only backed away, they argued, after the damage was done. It was intentional and calculated dirty pool, they said. I gave McCain the benefit of the doubt. I believed in his decency.

A few days later, though, and he's french-kissing John Hagee in front of the world. Then, he's called on it and all he can do is say that he doesn't agree with "everything" Hagee says.

Not good enough.

John McCain, I expect more from you.

This is not some minor thing to me. Seriously. No matter what happens from here on out, I will think of John McCain as the guy who teamed up with John Hagee in hopes of scoring a couple of percentage points in the polls. That's bad no matter who you are, but it's even worse when you've been an outspoken critic of his ilk up until the point when you felt you needed them to get you over the hump in November.

You see, like a lot of other people (I suspect), part of what I'm looking for in a President is some honor, integrity, honesty and open-mindedness. Putting your lips on the ass of John Hagee as part of some Faustian political bargain communicates none of these traits. It sucks and it's depressing.






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