Monday, April 14, 2008

Hillary Clinton: Irrelevant but impossible to ignore... A few diseased trees in a much larger forest...

Forest. Forest. Must ignore tree.

Like every other halfway sane person in the world, I've been a little pissed off at Hillary Clinton since Barry O. opened his mouth and made the politically-unwise decision to attempt an explanation of why so many people are pissed off and, yes, bitter.

The Monster has been on the loose. She's running around faster than one of the infected from 28 Days Later, shrieking to all who will listen about just how damn elitist and "out of touch" Obama is.

It's the kind of fib-based, overcalculating, diseased thinking that exemplifies the Clinton campaign. After months of poo-pooing Obama's positive message and reminding us that things are so fucked up that only an experienced genius sniper-fire-dodger like The Monster can handle them, Hillary is now feigning shock that anyone might be even a teensy bit bitter about the way the economy and government have been doing their thing without offering the courtesy reach around to the "workin' folk."

Hillary four days ago: Wake up, people. Our country is up shit creek and I'm the only one with a paddle. Pregnant women are dying left and right because they don't have health insurance. Regular folks are watching the sheriff auction off their homes as we speak. Things are going to Hell in a handbasket! Do you really want to turn this clusterfuck over to a novice who isn't a Muslim, as far as I know? All Obama has is a pretty speech or two and this ultra-optimistic and utterly unrealistic belief that we can actually improve circumstances before the dawn of the next century. Give me a break. We need a little more alarmism and a lot less Norman Vincent Peale around here!

Hillary today: Can you believe my opponent? He actually thinks people are bitter over the state of America? Is he kidding? Why would anyone be bitter? Why would anyone be pissed off? Gee whiz, the people with whom I speak are optimistic, positive and excited about the future. How could anyone think things suck? Who would've put that kind of crazy idea into their heads, huh? Let's stop being smarty-pants elitists who draw attention to the bad stuff. Let's start being positive thinkers for a change!

That's a head-spinner, no?

Hillary is out doing shots, guzzling brew and playing with guns. She's reminding us that she's "in touch" with Joe Six Pack. She's running with the RNC talking points on her Blackberry, but going the extra mile by dropping her "g's" to sound more folksy.

The same Monster who tried to make sure the world jumped Obama's ass when he admitted a modicum of admiration for Ronnie Reagan's communication skills is now running to the right of Barry on every think imaginable in a crazed effort to convince Reagan Democrats that she's the Gipper without a penis.

Anyone who's still backing The Monster better be doing so out of admiration of her willingness to do absolutely anything to convince just one more person to vote for her. If you're willing to dump Obama for Clinton right now, she will personally give you a half-hour footrub and will chisel out a 10' ice sculpture of the White House for you. Toss in a donation and she'll kick her momma in the stomach, if you so desire.

If you're voting for Hillary, you are voting to reward the most obsessive and craven pursuit of power I have ever witnessed. A fighter? No. A disturbing freak. She is a zombie who, instead of feeding on the brains of others, dines on their votes.

Anyway, I get wrapped up in it all. It disgusts me, her intentional infection of the body politic with soul cancer. It intrigues me, too, because I cannot understand how anyone who pays a fucking shred of attention to all of this could possibly think she is anything short of dead inside. I get carried away with it.

I stare at the gnarled and dying trees she's planting and I lose focus on the larger forest. That's the point of this post. Hillary Clinton's campaign is a freakshow so compelling that it distracts us from the inevitable reality of her defeat.

We shouldn't give damn what she's saying, how she's saying it, how much it differs from both reality and what she said ten minutes ago, or to whom she's saying it.

Hillary Clinton isn't going to get the nomination and we all know that--at least those of us who are able to sensibly assess probabilities. The futures markets give her a slim-to-none chance. The math makes a mockery of the idea of Monster win. There's absolutely no evidence to suggest the kind of sea change she'd need among super-d's to capture the Democratic crown.

If she did defy all odds and nab the nomination, she'd get her ass handed to her anyway. Hillary Clinton cannot and will not become the President of the United States of America. She lost long ago and her lingering presence couldn't be less meaningful if her name was Alan Keyes.

But we watch and we have conniption fits because she comes at us from all angles with no memory of yesterday and no plan for tomorrow other than "kill, kill, kill". She is the evil robot monster run amok. The mindless serial killer chasing babysitters upstairs. She keeps going and going like Leatherface through the Texas woods.

It's good television and it pushes buttons, but it is nothing more than a few dried and dead trees rotting from within in a very large forest.

That being said, I'm not looking away. Here are a few other examples of just how hard it is for people to ignore the freakshow. For your additional reading pleasure (and because I know you can't resist, either):

*Bark, bugs, leaves and lizards has Hillary angst.
*Ben at Liberty and the Limits of Power sees a shameless monster, too.
*Carl Bernstein imagines a Hillary presidency--and sees an endless psychodrama.
*John Cole discusses Hillary Clinton, liar.
*Vichy Dems questions Hillary's bump and brew pedigree.
*Reign of Error has perspective and demonstrates great word efficiency.


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  1. Exactly, John.

    This stupid bitch has gotten on my last fucking nerve.

    It's too bad that her and Bill don't enjoy each others' company, more, since they are the only two people they are going to be able to look in the eyes after this election and not get that uncomfortable, "I'm kind of sorry for you that you're such a fuckin' lying loser" look from all their friends. I guess I might say hi to them realizing that their only friends, at this point, have got to be other politicians in Washington, and what a fuckin' sorry ass group of friends would that be. I mean, really. Maybe Richard Lugar and Bill Bradley. And they both probably think the Clintons are big fuckin' attention-grabbing asswipes, because, well, they are.

    I gotta finish my grading, John. But these dickheads deserve to fucking lose. And I, for one, will not be crying for them. I will, however, be expecting either remorse and for them to fade away into the forest like the diseased soul-cancerous trees they are. It's too bad. Bill had a half-way decent legacy to leave, there for a bit. Now he just looks like a freakshow, awaiting a Barack Obama or some decent Republican to show him the fuck up.

    That's how politics should be. Politics shouldn't be some nostalgia trip for FDR or whomever else we romanticize in office. Politics should be the people with the best arguments and policies winning. And when they're arguments and policies don't work out, they should say, "Looks like that might have been a mistake. Let's try again." And when they don't, some young (or old) upstart from whatever party should come from behind then and hand their fucking ass to them and quietly and politely tell them to sit the fuck down and shut up if they can't stop defending every goddamned decision they made while everyone else is solving the problems right the fuck in front of them and not terribly interested in defending every decision a predecessor made just because they don't want to ever admit they might have fucked up.

    The politics of the future should be the politics of reasonable reflection on policies and their consequences. And, in lieu of that, it should be choosing people who will reflect on the failures of predecessor's policies and policy positions for them.

    Hillary Clinton could have taken the former route. She didn't. So, instead, she will be taking the latter route. Or, rather, Barack Obama will taking that latter route for her.

    Maybe this might be the time for her to reflect on her failures, or else end up being the Robert Byrd of New York (or Teddy Kennedy, who has his own reflection to be doing about that miserable failure of a No Child Left Behind Act).

    Thanks for the perspective, though, dude. I will keep saying loudly at work what a fucking bald-faced liar Hillary Clinton is until she loses this goddamn election. But I do need to remember that only a fucking deal with the devil - which I completely do not put past the Monster - would salvage the nomination for her now.

    I better finish up here, dude.


  2. You know, I honestly had nothing against HRC when this campaign started. I voted for Bill twice. I saw them as garden variety political opportunists, of course.

    But until now I see that it's much worse than that. Samantha Power was right. You're right.

    True, HRC will not be president. But she just might make John McCain president. She is Ralph Nader and should be treated accordingly.

  3. I would be more concerned about this if Hillary's salt-of-the earth schtick weren't so transparent and ridiculous. George W. is the master of this kind of fake-folksy bullshit and could pull it off. Hillary cannot. She just looks stupid and the over-the-top pander is more condescending than anything Obama said.

    As for McCain, his heart doesn't seem to really be in it. He may hold himself in such high regard that he's unwilling to engage in this jus' plain folks routine.

  4. Gave you a link, though I did accuse you of nearly blowing a gasket, in a friendly sort of way...

  5. "I will keep saying loudly at work what a fucking bald-faced liar Hillary Clinton is until she loses this goddamn election."

    As will I, Ben. As will I.


    John Brown
    It Wasn't Me. Right?

  6. Betty-

    Ralph Nader? You're generous!

    I started with a vague distrust of Monster, but it soon turned to disdain... later rage.

    Glad to have you on board!


    John Brown
    Cat Lover

  7. Joshua-

    I think McCain figures he can let Monster take care of business right now. That way, if it backfires, he's still golden. If it works, he can hop on it later.

    It is a see-through schtick though, isn't it?

    Oh, and why does Barry take shit for bowling a 37 when Hill can't even take down a handful of pins on Ellen from short distance with a much lighter ball, huh?

    I think Barry's the better bowler.

    John Brown
    Mentioner of Trivialities

  8. Chuck-

    Thanks for the linkage.

    Yes, I am a gasket blower. It keeps my blood pressure down and entertains me.

    Plus, most of my hateful rants are true. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

    Yours 100% truly,

    John Brown
    Chopper Down of Cherry Trees

  9. Yo, thanks for the linkage and commentary (Reign of Error). What Hillary is doing, and how Bill - a man I commonly refer to as "The best president of my lifetime" -- has acted has really soured me on the Clintons. I'm hoping and praying that after Tuesday, even she sees the light and bows out. If she stops trying to damage Obama now, it will be okay - not great, but okay. If she persists, I swear she might as well join Joe Lieberman's party.